Howard: So, Dr. Hofstadter, Leonard rarely talks about his incredibly successful brother and sister.
Leonard: Please, don't go there, Howard.
Howard: I understand that unlike Leonard, they're at the top of their respective fields.
Leonard: Boy, you suck.

Howard: You know, I'm really glad you decided to learn Mandarin.
Sheldon: Why?
Howard: Once you're fluent, you'll have a billion more people to annoy instead of me.

Bernadette: Maybe we should get one of those machines to help her up the stairs.
Howard: You mean a forklift?

Sheldon: Sheldon Cooper does not cry.
Howard: That's true, you'd rust.

Beverly Hofstadter: It might explain why the two of you have created an ersatz homosexual marriage to satisfy your need for intimacy.
Howard: Say what?

Leonard: She's only been here a day and a half, and I'm seriously considering alcoholism as a new career path.
Penny: Hey, I talked to her for five minutes yesterday, and I've been half bombed ever since.

Penny: I'm curious. What was Leonard like when he was little?
Beverly Hofstadter: I think you mean young. He's always been little.