Kripke: Was she naked or was she wearing lingerie?
Sheldon: I didn't notice.
Kripke: How could you not notice?
Sheldon: i was too busy squishing all the desirable parts of her body.
Kripke: Ah, you're killing me, Cooper!

Leonard: What?
Amy: Sheldon has something he'd like to say.
Sheldon: I'm sorry I didn't react appropriately. You and Penny are bringing new life into the world. Congratulations. I can't wait to meet it.
Leonard: "It"?
Sheldon: That's a gender-neutral pronoun. If you're offended, take it up with the English language.

Leonard: That's not what she's doing, Leslie. She's just trying to shore up her self esteem. It has nothing to do with sex.
Leslie: Everything has to do with sex.
Howard: Mmmm, testify. (Raises his hand for a high-five)
Leslie: I'm not touching that.

Mary Cooper: Thank you, God, for the food we are about to receive and for the nourishment of our bodies and bless the hands that prepared it. Amen.
Sheldon: Given that your hands prepared it, isn't that a little self-serving?
Mary Cooper: You start changing the words to the prayers, next thing you know, you're in a church with a guitar.

Howard: You're my wife. You're supposed to be on my side.
Bernadette: I'm always on your side.
Howard: Then why are you trying to take this away from me? Being an astronaut is the coolest thing I'm ever gonna do. If I stop talking about it, then I'm just...
Bernadette: Just what?
Howard: Just plain old Howard Wolowitz again.
Bernadette: Plain old Howard Wolowitz is the best guy I know.
Howard: You're just saying that.
Bernadette: No, I'm not. I married him. On purpose. Come here.
Howard: I love you.
Bernadette: I love you, too.

Howard: That's your card, right?
Penny: Seven of clubs! That is amazing!
Sheldon: It's not amazing. All magic tricks are merely a combination of manipulation and misdirection with the occasional dwarf in a box wiggling his feet.
Howard: Oh, really? So how did I do it?
Sheldon: Well, I don't care how you did it. I have more important things to think about. Clearly, the cards are marked.
Howard: I thought you had more important things to think about.
Sheldon: I do. You just happen to have caught me on a break.

Leonard: I've come to peace with my relationship with my parents. That was a big milestone for me.
Sheldon: Oh, speaking of personal growth, I recently tried eating Swiss chard. You know, I didn't swallow it, but Amy said it counted.

Sheldon: Would you pass the mustard.
Leonard: Sure. Hey, you wanna hear a fun fact about mustard?
Sheldon: Is it that the glucosinolates that give mustard its flavor were evolved by the cabbage family as a defense against caterpillars?
Leonard: Yeah.
Sheldon: Well, that was fun. Good for you, Leonard.

Sheldon: There was a tall man from Cornwall. Whose length exceeded his bed. "My body fits on it. But barely upon it. There's no room for my big Cornish head!"

Sheldon: What is the best number? By the way, there's only one correct answer.
Raj: 5,318,008?
Sheldon: Wrong. The best number is 73. [short silence] You're probably wondering why.
Leonard & Howard: No, no, we're good.
Sheldon: 73 is the 21st prime number, its mirror 37 is the 12th and its mirror 21 is the product of multiplying, hang on to your hats, 7 and 3. Did I lie?
Leonard: We get it. 73 is the Chuck Norris of numbers.
Sheldon: Chuck Norris wishes. In binary, 73 is a palindrome, 1001001, which backwards is 1001001, exactly the same. All Chuck Norris gets you backwards is Sirron Kcuhc.
Raj: Just for the record, when you enter 5,318,008 in a calculator, upside down it spells boobies.

Sheldon: So, if a photon is directed through a plane with two slits in it and either is observed, it will not go through both. If it's unobserved, it will. However, if it's observed after it left the plane, before it hits it's target, it will not have gone through both slits.
Leonard: Agreed! What's Your Point?
Sheldon: There's no point, I just think it's a good idea for a T-shirt!

Penny: Okay, who wants a drink?
Sheldon: Now, Penny, we don't consume alcohol during Dungeons & Dragons. It impairs our judgment.
Penny: Oh, this isn't alcohol. It's a magic potion that makes me like you.
Leonard: Double potion, please.

Sheldon: Penny, all my life I have been uncomfortable with the sort of physical contact that comes easily to others: handshaking, hugging, prostate exams. But I'm working on it, you know? Just recently, I had to put VapoRub on Amy's chest. A year ago, that would have been unthinkable.

Penny: Great, because I've been thinking if I really want this acting thing to work, I need to focus all my energy on it. And to do that, I should quit waitressing at the Cheesecake Factory.
Leonard: Wow, that's a big step.
Penny: I know.
Leonard: So before making any rash decisions.
Penny: I already quit.
Leonard: And I support you!

Amy: Look, I'm sorry for your loss, but I think I have something that might make you feel better. I got you a new computer.
Sheldon: How could you do that?
Amy: Do what?
Sheldon: Choosing a new laptop is an incredibly personal ritual. You have taken away weeks of agonizing thought, tedious research, sleepless nights filled with indecision. Haven't I lost enough today?