Raj: I can't believe she dumped me.
Bernadette: This is tough for me, 'cause I can.

Bernadette: I never would've undermined a coworker.
Raj: What? Oh, please. Wh-What about that guy Eric, who you told it was "Bring Your Cat to Work Day" when you knew your boss had asthma?
Bernadette: That was just a hilarious prank that ended with me getting a corner office.

Howard: I'm only saying this because I love you and because you can't reach me from that bed, but you sound a little crazy.
Bernadette: I love you, too, but I could fling this card in your eye like a ninja throwing star.
Howard: I don't believe you. (covers his eyes and backs out of the room)

Bernadette: That bitch.
Howard: Oh, come on, he means well. He's just trying to impress his girlfriend.
Bernadette: I'm talking about Ruchi. She's after my job. Why do you think she said, "Take all the time you need"?
Howard: Because she was being nice?
Bernadette: No, she's trying to steal my projects while I'm at home taking care of this useless plant and my dumb family.

Bernadette: Hey, what are you two doing here?
Ruchi: We won't stay long. I just wanted to drop something off from me and the girls at work.
Bernadette: None of the girls at work like me enough to get me a gift.
Ruchi: Okay, so you'll know why everyone at the office has the same handwriting.

Bernadette: So you're not gonna see her again?
Raj: What's the point? We're never gonna be in a real relationship.
Howard: Right, so you'll only be in a physical one?
Raj: Exactly. Why would I want to spend time with someone like that?
Howard: Someone who is just interested in sex?
Raj: Yeah.
Bernadette: Raj, do you real-
Howard: Whoa, hold on. Give him a chance. He's gonna get this. (Raj staring blankly)
Bernadette: I don't think he is.

Raj: I mean, Ruchi's nice. We're just so different.
Howard: I know. Sometimes when you're dating, you meet weird people.
Bernadette: I once met a girl who didn't like juggling. And she still doesn't.

Howard: Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.
Raj: Really hurts, huh?
Bernadette: No. He's just saying, "Ow can these prices be so low?".

Bernadette: Where are you going?
Howard: Gift shop.
Bernadette: There is no gift shop. Sit down.

Bernadette: Howard's not here.
Raj: Oh, I know, he's been in the lab every night this week with his work wife.
Bernadette: That's weird, I thought his work wife was standing in my kitchen.

Howard: She was talking about me, Sheldon. I'm perfectly qualified.
Bernadette: Yeah, Howie's the world's best engineer. It says so right on his coffee mug.
Penny: Aw, you got him a mug?
Raj: I did. But it's not a competition.
Bernadette: Yeah, I lost that battle years ago.

Raj: I came to see how you were doing. Like, uh, do you need help with anything?
Bernadette: Oh, thank you. There are a few things around the house that I've been waiting for Howard to get to. The smoke alarms-
Raj: No, I meant emotionally. How are you feeling?
Bernadette: Like you're not really here to help me.

Bernadette: At least he can still clean the oven, so that's something.
Sheldon: Oh, that's what he thinks. Where's your steel wool?
Bernadette: (picks it up from her lap) Right here.
Sheldon: We make quite the team.
Bernadette: Sure do!

Sheldon: And now they're working on a Saturday? Can you believe them? Like, is this how you envisioned your weekend?
Bernadette: No, it is not.

Bernadette: Well, she's nine months old, so unless it jingles or is in my bra, she doesn't care.