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Quote from the episode The Jiminy Conjecture

Raj: I don't like bugs, okay? They freak me out.
Sheldon: Interesting. You're afraid of insects and women. Ladybugs must render you catatonic.

4.9

Quote from the episode The Lizard-Spock Expansion

Sheldon: Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors.

4.9

Quote from the episode The Gorilla Experiment

Sheldon: Why are you crying?
Penny: Because I'm stupid.
Sheldon: That's no reason to cry. One cries because one is sad. For example, I cry because others are stupid, and that makes me sad.

4.8

Quote from the episode The Griffin Equivalency

Sheldon: I'm not insane. My mother had me tested!

4.8

Quote from the episode The Boyfriend Complexity

Leonard: You'll never guess what just happened.
Sheldon: You went out in the hallway, stumbled into an inter-dimensional portal, which brought you 5,000 years into the future, where you took advantage of the advanced technology to build a time machine, and now you're back, to bring us all with you to the year 7010, where we are transported to work at the think-a-torium by telepathically controlled flying dolphins?
Leonard: No. Penny kissed me.
Sheldon: Who would ever guess that?

4.8

Quote from the episode The Focus Attenuation

Sheldon: I know the real reason you never made progress with that idea. You thought of it September 22nd 2007. Two days later, Penny moved in and so much blood rushed to your genitals, your brain became a ghost town.

4.8

Quote from the episode The Expedition Approximation

Sheldon: Are they making fun of us?
Raj: Yep.
Sheldon: I miss the old days when I couldn't tell.

4.8

Quote from the episode The Misinterpretation Agitation

Leonard: Wow, Donkey Kong. This was my game when I was a kid.
Sheldon: Because it's a story of a pretty blonde girl tirelessly pursued by a small oddly-shaped man?

4.8

Quote from the episode The Boyfriend Complexity

Leonard: Well you don't have to worry, we broke up again.
*Sheldon gives awkward look and then throws his papers in the air with one of them landing next to his head.
Sheldon: Do you ever think about other people, Leonard? Do you?

4.7

Quote from the episode The Prom Equivalency

Sheldon: There's no denying that I have feelings for you that can't be explained in any other way. I briefly considered that I had a brain parasite, but that seems even more far-fetched. The only conclusion was love.

4.7

Quote from the episode The Clean Room Infiltration

Bernadette: Why'd you turn it off?
Sheldon: Because in the last ten minutes, Santa came to town, kissed mommy, and ran grandma over with a reindeer. I had a drunk uncle who did all those things. Nobody sings songs about him.

4.7

Quote from the episode Pilot

Leonard: Our babies will be smart and beautiful.
Sheldon: Not to mention imaginary.

4.7

Quote from the episode The Maternal Congruence

Sheldon: I made tea.
Leonard: I don't want tea.
Sheldon: I didn't make tea for you. This is my tea.
Leonard: Then why are you telling me?
Sheldon: It's a conversation starter.
Leonard: That's a lousy conversation starter.
Sheldon: Oh, is it? We're conversing. Checkmate.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Expedition Approximation

Bernadette: Speaking of new careers, how are things going with dark matter, Sheldon?
Sheldon: Oh, I have to say it's the most exciting time in the history of the field.
Bernadette: Oh, what's going on?
Sheldon: I started doing it.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Prestidigitation Approximation

Penny: No big deal. Not knowing is part of the fun!
Sheldon: 'Not knowing is part of the fun.' Was that the motto of your community college?

4.6

Quote from the episode The Bad Fish Paradigm

Sheldon: I wouldn't tell you the secret. Sssh!
Leonard: What secret? Tell me the secret.
Sheldon: Mom smokes in the car. Jesus is okay with it, but we can't tell dad.
Leonard: Not that secret, the other secret.
Sheldon: I'm Batman! Ssssh!

4.6

Quote from the episode The Justice League Recombination

Zack: You know, I saw this great thing on the Discovery Channel. Turns out if you kill a starfish it'll just come back to life.
Sheldon: Was the starfish wearing boxer shorts? Because you might have been watching Nickelodeon.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Pants Alternative

Penny: So what do you say Sheldon, are we your X-men?
Sheldon: No, the X-men were named for the X in Charles Xavier. Since I am Sheldon Cooper, you will be my C-men.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Cruciferous Vegetable Amplification

Sheldon: At my age do you know how I'm statistically most likely to die?
Leonard: At the hands of your room mate?
Sheldon: An accident.
Leonard: That's how I'm going to make it look.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Rhinitis Revelation

Leonard: (To Sheldon) You're talking like a crazy person.
Mary: Actually, I had him tested as a child. Doctor says he's fine.
Sheldon: (To Leonard) Told ya.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Vegas Renormalization

Leonard: What were you doing at Penny's?
Sheldon: Well, we had dinner, played some games, and then I spent the night. Oh, and you'll be happy to know that I now have a much better understanding of 'friends with benefits.'

4.6

Quote from the episode The Guitarist Amplification

Sheldon: Stop it both of you! All this fighting, I might as well be back with my parents!
*Imitating his Mom* Dammit George! I told you if you didn't quit drinking I would leave you!
*Imitating his Dad* Well, I guess that makes you a liar, because I'm drunk as hell and you are still here!
*Imitating his Mom* Stop yelling, you're making Sheldon cry!
*Imitating his Dad* I'll tell you what is making Sheldon cry, that I let you name him SHELDON!

4.6

Quote from the episode The Staircase Implementation

Sheldon: This is the temperature you agreed to in the roommate agreement.
Leonard: Aw, screw the roommate agreement!
Sheldon: No, you don't screw the roommate agreement. The roommate agreement screws you.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Big Bran Hypothesis

Sheldon: Oh gravity, thou art a heartless bitch.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Big Bran Hypothesis

Leonard: For God's sake, Sheldon, do I have to hold up a sarcasm sign every time I open my mouth?
Sheldon: You have a sarcasm sign?

4.6

Quote from the episode The Clean Room Infiltration

Sheldon: Eugh, English pudding. You get yourself all excited for pudding and here comes a cake with raisins in it.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Clean Room Infiltration

Sheldon: Let's see. What do I know about Amy? She loves medieval literature. Chaucer's her favorite. And her eyes sparkle when she watches old French movies. And I enjoy how harp music causes her fingers to dance as if she's playing along.
Bernadette: Wow, you really do love her.
Sheldon: I do. Now, let's find the kind of gift that makes her feel small and worthless.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Clean Room Infiltration

Santa: All right, let me see if I've got this straight. A picture of you on my lap is a way to punish your girlfriend for making you celebrate Christmas?
Sheldon: Correct.
Santa: Santa thinks dating you might be punishment enough.
Sheldon: There's an argument for that, but I want to make sure.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Jiminy Conjecture

Sheldon: I am not crazy, my mother had me tested.

4.6

Quote from the episode Pilot

Sheldon: Do you want to hear an interesting thing about stairs?
Leonard: Not really!
Sheldon: If the height of a step is off by as little as two millimeters, most people will trip.
Leonard: I don't care. 2 millime--? That doesn't seem right.
Sheldon: It's true. I did a series of experiments when I was 12. My father broke his clavicle.
Leonard: Is that why they sent you to boarding school?
Sheldon: No. That was the result of my work with lasers.

4.6

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