Sheldon Cooper Quotes Page 1 of 156

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Quote from the episode Pilot

Leonard: We need to widen our circle.
Sheldon: I have a very wide circle. I have 212 friends on myspace.
Leonard: Yes, and youve never met one of them.
Sheldon: Thats the beauty of it.

Quote from the episode Pilot

Penny: I'm a Sagittarius, which probably tells you way more than you need to know.
Sheldon: Yes, it tells us that you participate in the mass cultural delusion that the suns apparent position relative to arbitrarily defined constellations at the time of your birth somehow affects your personality.
Penny: (puzzled) Participate in the what?

Quote from the episode Pilot

Sheldon: What if she ends up with a toddler who doesn't know if he should use an integral or a differential to solve for the area under a curve?
Leonard: I'm sure she'll still love him.
Sheldon: I wouldn't.

Quote from the episode Pilot

Penny: I'm so sorry. I really thought if you guys went instead of me, he wouldn't be such an ass.
Leonard: No, it was a valid hypothesis.
Sheldon: "Was a valid hypo-" . What is happening to you?

Quote from the episode The Big Bran Hypothesis

Leonard: If you don't have any other plans, do you want to join us for Thai food and a Superman movie marathon?
Penny: A marathon? Wow, how many Superman movies are there?
Sheldon: You're kidding, right?

Quote from the episode The Big Bran Hypothesis

Leonard: I guess we'll just take [a TV cabinet] up [the stairs] ourselves.
Sheldon: We don't have a dolly, or lifting belts, or any measurable upper-body strength.
Leonard: We don't need strength. We're physicists. We are the intellectual descendants of Archimedes. Give me a fulcrum and a lever, and I can move the Earth. (Trying to move the box) It's just a matter of... I don't have this. I don't have this. I don't have it!
Sheldon: Archimedes would be so proud.

Quote from the episode The Jerusalem Duality

Sheldon: Today, I went from being Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, to... You know, that other guy.
Howard: Antonio Salieri?
Sheldon: Oh God, now even you're smarter than me.

Quote from the episode The Jerusalem Duality

Sheldon: Engineering. Where the noble semiskilled laborers execute the vision of those who think and dream. Hello, Oompa-Loompas of science.

Quote from the episode The Fuzzy Boots Corollary

Sheldon: There's always a chance that alcohol and poor judgment on her part may lead to a wonderful evening.

Quote from the episode The Fuzzy Boots Corollary

Sheldon: I think that you have as much of a chance of having a sexual relationship with Penny as the Hubble telescope does of discovering at the center of every black hole is a little man with a flashlight searching for a circuit breaker.

Quote from the episode The Luminous Fish Effect

Sheldon: I can't believe he fired me.
Leonard: Well, you did call him a "glorified high school science teacher whose last successful experiment was lighting his own farts."
Sheldon: In my defense, I prefaced that with, "with all due respect."

Quote from the episode The Bad Fish Paradigm

Leonard: You could be Batman?
Sheldon: Yeah. I'm Batman. See?

Quote from the episode The Bad Fish Paradigm

Howard: How's the air matress?
Sheldon: It's okay, if you don't mind sleeping on a bouncy castle.

Quote from the episode The Cooper-Hofstadter Polarization

Leonard: You are not Isaac Newton.
Sheldon: No, no, that's true. Gravity would have been apparent to me without the apple.

Quote from the episode The Hamburger Postulate

Sheldon: Can't we just go to Big Boy? They only have one burger: the Big Boy.
Penny: The Barbecue Burger is like the Big Boy.
Sheldon: Excuse me, in a world that already includes a Big Boy, why would I settle for something that's like a Big Boy?

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