Quotes from ‘The Long Distance Dissonance’

The Long Distance Dissonance

'The Long Distance Dissonance' - Season 10, Episode 24

When Sheldon's old admirer, Dr. Ramona Nowitzki, returns to the university while Amy is away at Princeton, Sheldon's friends try to protect his relationship with Amy.

Air Date: May 11, 2017.

Quote from Amy

Amy: I gave you one job! Keep an eye on him. How hard is that?

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: Okay, let's try this. Think of yourself as one of those limited edition toys people like to collect.
Sheldon: I already do.

Quote from Amy

Amy: I've been smacking that ketchup bottle for a long time. All she has to do is tip it over and point it at her fries.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Because there's only one of me, I'm more valuable.
Penny: Right.
Sheldon: Although, Amy's already taken me out of my package and played with me.

Quote from Penny

Penny: Not only did they eat together, Leonard said he made her laugh.
Bernadette: That's nothing, Howie said she touched his hand.
Penny: Did he Purell?
Bernadette: No.
Penny: I cannot believe Leonard mentioned the Toblerone but left that part out.

Quote from Amy

Amy: Why didn't you tell me?
Bernadette: We didn't want you to worry.
Amy: Should I worry?
Penny: No, come on, it's Sheldon. Nothing is gonna happen.
Amy: That's what you said to me when I started dating him. And then five years later, bingo-bango, something happened.

Quote from Stuart

Raj: Actually, I was going to suggest me.
Howard: Great. Anybody's better than, (glancing at Stuart) mmm.
Stuart: Excuse me. They took out my spleen and gallbladder, not my feelings.

Quote from Leonard

Penny: All right, this is making me crazy. Somebody's got to go over there.
Leonard: You got feet and legs, you do it.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: That was fun. It was like Mario Kart.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: *knock knock knock* Amy. *knock knock knock* Amy. *knock knock knock* Amy.
*Amy opens the door. Sheldon is on one knee, holding out an engagement ring*
Sheldon: Will you marry me?

Quote from Penny

Penny: Come on, looks don't matter to Sheldon. ... Because he only has eyes for you!
Amy: Nice try.
Penny: Thanks, I was scrambling.

Quote from Howard

Raj: What just happened?
Howard: A stranger just lured Sheldon away with a candy bar.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I'm sorry you had to go through that.
Amy: In fact, that's when I started to really miss you.
Sheldon: You know you just split an infinitive.
Amy: Did I? Are you gonna teach me a lesson?
Sheldon: I am. It is naughty to put an adverb between the word "to" and the verb stem.
Amy: What are you gonna do about it?
Sheldon: I'm going to admonish you.
Amy: Vigorously?
Sheldon: That's the only kind of admonishing I do.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I've learned some fun facts about New Jersey to help you make small talk. Would you like to know the state bird or the murder rate? They're both shocking.
Amy: Actually, I want to hear about you. How are things at home?
Sheldon: Well, I'm a lot less likely to see an Eastern Goldfinch or be murdered, I'll tell you that.

Quote from Leonard

Howard: How's Sheldon doing with Amy gone?
Leonard: Well, the last three nights I've had to take him to get a haircut, to the train store, and to a Walgreens in Arcadia where they still have the "good ibuprofen." Now, ask me how I'm doing with Amy gone.
Raj: How are you doing with-
Leonard: Shut up.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: Tonight he wants to look at ladders at Home Depot.
Raj: Oh, why does he need a ladder?
Leonard: He doesn't; he just likes looking at them. Bring a book.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Gentlemen, you may remember Dr. Nowitzki. She's back at Caltech for her postdoc.
Leonard: Hello.
Ramona Nowitzki: Hello.
Raj: Hi. Oh, let me bring a chair for you.
Sheldon: Oh, thanks. Dr. Nowitzki's going to tell me about the work she did at CERN. And she brought me this duty-free Toblerone.
Leonard: Oh. I love those.
Sheldon: (To Ramona) Let's sit somewhere else.

Quote from Howard

Leonard: Wait, isn't she the grad student that used to follow him around?
Howard: Oh, yeah. Back before he hit puberty and grew man parts.

Quote from Howard

Leonard: He just made her laugh, something's wrong.
Raj: Do you see the way she's looking at him?
Howard: Yeah. Like Bernadette used to look at me.
Raj: I keep telling you, close the bathroom door.
Leonard: Ah, did you see that? She just touched his hand and he didn't swat it away. What is happening?
Howard: Okay, the simplest explanation is usually the right one.
Raj: Which is?
Howard: That ain't Sheldon.

Quote from Bernadette

Penny: Do you think living with Amy has somehow stirred up Sheldon's sexual appetite?
Bernadette: (grimacing with disgust) Ugh. How can you think that? Why would you even put those words together?

Quote from Penny

Penny: All right, then we agree. He's not making any moves, it's this Dr. Ramona chick.
Bernadette: Nowitzki. I Googled her, she's pretty cute.
Penny: Really? All I got from Leonard was the Toblerone bar had nuts.

Quote from Amy

Penny: Well, what do you want us to do?
Amy: I don't know. Might be the New Jersey talking, but this Nowitzki broad needs to disappear.

Quote from Leonard

Howard: It's unbelievable. Sheldon has lunch with another woman and somehow my wife yells at me.
Leonard: Penny laid into me, too. Apparently, I'm overly fixated on premium Swiss chocolate bars.

Quote from Leonard

Raj: Can you even eat those things?
Leonard: If I take a Lactaid a half-hour before and some Pepto right after.
Raj: Sounds like a lot of work.
Leonard: Eh, I'm worth it.

Quote from Stuart

Howard: Should we do something about Nowitzki?
Leonard: Like what?
Raj: Well, she's single, so if somebody else asks her out and she says yes, then we know she's not into Sheldon.
Stuart: I'll do it.
Leonard: No offense, Stuart, but the woman's a doctor.
Stuart: So? Doctors like me. Whenever I see mine he calls in a bunch of other doctors to have a look.
Howard: She's not that kind of doctor.
Stuart: Oh. Well, her loss. I've been called a genuine medical oddity.

Quote from Raj

Raj: Dr. Nowitzki. Good to see you.
Ramona Nowitzki: Good to see you, too.
Raj: May I join you?
Ramona Nowitzki: No.
Raj: Good to see you.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: You actually got in a pool?
Sheldon: I was scared, but I told myself it's just a big bathtub. Then I got scared again 'cause there are all these strangers in my bathtub.

Quote from Sheldon

Ramona Nowitzki: I was proud of him. A lot of people don't put their face in the water on the first day.
Sheldon: Well, I was hiding from a bee, but it still counts.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Uh, so, Ramona, tell us about yourself. Do you, do you have a boyfriend?
Sheldon: Leonard, your wife is sitting right here. What are you doing?

Quote from Sheldon

Ramona Nowitzki: Are these all from Peter Higgs?
Sheldon: Hmm? Oh, no, no, no. They're from many famous people. See? Oh, like this one. This is from Patrick Stewart. It says if I come to his house again, I get to meet his dogs.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Hey, I hate to break up the party, but Amy says I'm tired and have to go to bed.

Quote from Sheldon

Ramona Nowitzki: Hey, did you eat yet?
Sheldon: Uh, breakfast yes, lunch no. I did have a cough drop, but that really rides the line between sucking and eating.

Quote from Amy

Amy: It's so strange. Earlier today, I ended a sentence with a preposition, and you weren't there to correct my grammar.

Quote from Howard

Howard: If you'd like, we can help you out.
Leonard: Oh, that would be great.
Howard: I mean, not me, I've got a wife and child, but this one posts video of himself flossing on Instagram.
Raj: It was a tutorial. And yes, I'm happy to keep Sheldon company.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: So, tell me about your scalar dark energy experiment.
Ramona Nowitzki: Not 'til you tell me about your latest paper on quantum loop theory.
Sheldon: Oh. You must be one of those dessert before dinner people.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: And get this, I saw an articulating ladder with dual-leg leveling, which delivers stability and adaptability to uneven terrain.
Amy: Sounds like a big night.
Sheldon: Yeah. Raj made the funniest joke, he said, "Which is the best ladder to use to hang myself?"

Quote from Bernadette

Penny: We thought you meant not letting him run out into traffic.
Bernadette: Which he only did once.

Quote from Howard

Howard: We should call Guinness, that might be a record.

Quote from Leonard

Raj: She's clearly having a working lunch and preferred to eat alone.
Ramona Nowitzki: Dr. Cooper, over here.
Raj: I could have made her very happy.
Leonard: You kept walking. I think you did.

Quote from Bernadette

Penny: Do you really think there's reason to worry?
Leonard: Yeah, she's definitely going after Sheldon.
Raj: I made a play for her and she shot me down.
Penny: All right, well, that doesn't prove anything.
Bernadette: Yeah, there's a million reasons a woman would shoot Raj down.
Raj: Like, really, a million?
Bernadette: Fine, hundreds.
Raj: Thank you.

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: So, Sheldon, have you talked to Amy?
Sheldon: Yes, we Skyped this morning and I'm sure I'll check in with her before I go to sleep.
Ramona Nowitzki: Sheldon talks about her all the time. I can't wait to meet her.
Sheldon: That is true. She keeps asking how long Amy's going to be gone.

Quote from Raj

Ramona Nowitzki: No, my work doesn't leave me a lot of time for relationships.
Raj: I think you made that very clear.

Quote from Penny

Penny: Okay, correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that exactly what we were supposed to stop from happening?
Bernadette: I threw my body at them, what else did you want me to do?
Leonard: You think you should call Amy?
Penny: You got fingers and a mouth, you call her.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: What is Leonard doing calling you at this hour?
Amy: It's not important.
Sheldon: I must tell you, that seems a little inappropriate. Don't you agree?
Ramona Nowitzki: I do.
Sheldon: See? We both think so.

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: We need to talk.
Sheldon: Wh-- Is this about Leonard and Amy? I don't like it either.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: She's always been a huge fan of my work, and now she's doing research at Caltech.
Amy: Huge fan, you say?
Sheldon: Yes. I think you'd like her. She's extremely intelligent, just like you. Unlike you, she's tall, blonde and used to be an Olympic swimmer.

Quote from Bernadette

Penny: Will you with me?
Bernadette: To do what? Shake a can of nickels at them?

Quote from Raj

Raj: We're being ridiculous. There's no way a woman that attractive is trying to seduce Sheldon Cooper.
Howard: You done trying to make yourself feel better?
Raj: No. I haven't played the race card yet.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: That may be true, but Dr. Nowitzki's just a friend. In fact, I wouldn't have even noticed she's a woman if she hadn't worn that bathing suit that highlighted her bosom.

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: All right. What do you think is happening?
Sheldon: I think Dr. Nowitzki is a friendly colleague. I think you and Leonard need to see a marriage counselor. And I need to update my rsum to include swimming as a special skill.

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