Quotes from ‘The Bat Jar Conjecture’

The Bat Jar Conjecture

'The Bat Jar Conjecture' - Season 1, Episode 13

The guys enter the college's Physics Bowl tournament, but Sheldon's inability to be a team player gets him thrown off the team. Sheldon decides to enter his own team, while the guys recruit Sheldon's nemesis, Leslie Winkle.

Air Date: April 21, 2008.

Quote from Howard

Wolowitz: That's more like we're a tall thin woman who wants to make a coat out of your Dalmatians.

Quote from Raj

Sheldon: Teams are traditionally named after fierce creatures thus intimidating one's opponent.
Raj: Then we could be the Bengal tigers.
Sheldon: Poor choice. You know, gram for gram no animal exceeds the relative fighting strength of the army ant.
Raj: Maybe so, but you can't incinerate a Bengal tiger with a magnifying glass.

Quote from Raj

Raj: I say we wait until he looks at us then laugh, like "Yes, you're a smart and strong competitor but we're also smart and strong and we have a reasonable chance of defeating you".

Quote from Sheldon

Howard: Don't you think I should answer the engineering questions? I am an engineer.
Sheldon: By that logic I should answer all the anthropology questions because I'm a mammal.

Quote from Leslie Winkle

Leslie: There's no reason to feel uncomfortable just because we've seen each other's faces and naked bodies contorted in the sweet agony of coitus. Rest assured that any aspects of our sexual relationship regarding your preferences, your idiosyncrasies, your performance, are still protected by the inherent confidentiality of the bedroom.

Quote from Penny

Penny: Tweety Bird tawt he taw a what?
Sheldon: A romulan.
Penny: Yes, he tawt he taw a romulan.

Quote from Sheldon

Gablehauser: AA, I need your official answer.
Sheldon: Well, it's not what he said.
Gablehauser: Then what is it?
Sheldon: I want a different question.
Gablehauser: You can't have a different question.
Sheldon: Formal Protest!
Gablehauser: Denied!
Sheldon: Informal Protest!
Gablehauser: Denied! I need your official answer.
Sheldon: No, I decline to provide one.
Gablehauser: Well, that's too bad, because the answer your teammate gave was correct.
Sheldon: That's your opinion.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: You want me to use my intelligence in a tawdry competition? Would you ask Picasso to play Pictionary? Would you ask Noah Webster to play Boggle? Would you ask Jacques Cousteau to play Go Fish?

Janitor: The answer is minus eight pi alpha.
Sheldon: Hang on a second, that's not our answer. What are you doing?
Janitor: Answering question, winning Physics Bowl.
Sheldon: How do you know anything about physics?
Janitor: Here, I am janitor. In former Soviet Union, I am physicist. Leningrad Politechnika. Go Polar Bears!

Quote from Howard

Leonard: His mother was human, his father was Vulcan, they couldn't conceive.
Howard: Maybe they had to go to a clinic. Can you imagine Spock's dad in a room with a copy of "Pointy Ears and Shapely Rears"?

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: What rat have you recruited to the SS sinking ship?
Leslie: Hello Sheldon.
Sheldon: Leslie Winkle.
Leslie: Yeah Leslie Winkle. The answer to the question, who made Sheldon Cooper cry like a little girl?
Sheldon: Yes well I am polymerised tree saps and you are an inorganic adhesive so whatever verbal projectile you launch in my direction is reflected off me, returns on its original trajectory and adheres to you.
Leslie: Oh, ouch.

Quote from Howard

Howard: Seven hundred and sixty degrees Celsius. The approximate temperature of the young lady in the front row.
Gablehauser: Mr. Wolowitz, this is your second warning.

Quote from Howard

Penny: Wow! So in your world, you're like the cool guys.
Howard: Recognize!

Quote from Penny

Howard: He compared Sheldon to a disposable feminine cleansing product one might use on a Summer's Eve.
Penny: Yeah and the bag it came in.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Oh, and one more thing, it's on bitch.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Look, you may have democracy in your beloved Russia, but on this physics bowl team, I rule with an iron fist. (Raising his fist) Ow!

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I will form my own team and will destroy the molecular bonds that hold your matter together, and reduce the resulting particular chaos to tears.
Leonard: Thanks for the heads up.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Come on, you need a four-person team. We're four people
Sheldon: By that reasoning we should also play bridge, hold up a huppah and enter the Olympic bobsled competition.

Quote from Raj

Howard: Ooh, more details about the new Star Trek film! There is going to be a scene depicting Spock's birth. Raj: I'd be more interested in a scene depicting Spock's conception.

Quote from Leslie Winkle

Howard: We'll just have to face Sheldon mano y mano y mano a mano.
Leslie: Wait, you're going up against Sheldon Cooper?
Howard: Yes!
Leslie: That arrogant, misogynistic, East Texas doorknob that told me I should abandon my work with high-energy particles for laundry and child bearing?
Leonard: She's in!

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I need my wrist brace. All this button pushing is aggravating my old Nintendo injury.

Quote from Leslie Winkle

Leslie: PMS? It's a couple of days early, but
Leonard: No, it stands for Perpetual Motion Squad.
Leslie: Oh, right, of course, what was I thinking?

Quote from Raj

Leonard: This is our year, with those guys out, the entire Physics Bowl will kneel before Zod.
Penny: Zod?
Howard: Kryptonian villain, long story.
Raj: Good story. (Covers his mouth upon realizing he spoke to Penny sober)

Submit Quotes