Quotes from ‘The Bath Item Gift Hypothesis’

The Bath Item Gift Hypothesis

'The Bath Item Gift Hypothesis' - Season 2, Episode 11

It's a stressful Christmas for Leonard when his handsome colleague starts dating Penny. Meanwhile, Sheldon's obsessive gift-giving etiquette irritates the whole gang.

Air Date: December 15, 2008.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: All I need is a healthy ovum and I can grow my own Leonard Nimoy.
Penny: Okay, all I'm giving you is the napkin, Sheldon.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: You bought me a present? Why would you do such a thing? I know you think you're being generous, but the foundation of gift giving is reciprocity. You haven't given me a gift, you've given me an obligation. The essence of the custom is that I now have to go out and purchase for you a gift of commensurate value and representing the same perceived level of friendship as that represented by the gift you've given me. Ah, it's no wonder suicide rates skyrocket this time of year. Oh, I brought this on myself by being such an endearing and important part of your life...

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: If I would give you this gift basket, based on that action alone and no other data, infer and describe the hypothetical relationship that exist between us.
Store clerk: Excuse me?
Sheldon: Here. Now, are we friends? Colleagues? Lovers? Are you my grandmother?
Store clerk: I don't understand what you're talking about and you're making me a little uncomfortable.
Howard: See? Sounds just like you and Penny. We'll take it.

Quote from Howard

Howard:Hey, isn't that the guy who won the MacArthur genius grant last year? (everyone looks) No, not all at once.
Raj: Then how?
Howard: Leonard. Now Raj. Now Sheldon.
Raj: I didn't get a good look. Can I go again?
Howard: No.

Quote from Leonard

Penny: Leonard, look. Sheldon's hugging me!
Leonard: It's a Saturnalia miracle.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: By the way, my leg is killing me. Thanks for asking.

Quote from Leonard

Penny: David is not smarter than you, because a smart man would take the naked pictures of his wife off his phone before trying to take naked pictures of his girlfriend!
Leonard: He tried to take nude photos of you?
Penny: That's what you took from that?! The guy is married!
Leonard: Oh, that's terrible.
Penny: And you, if you're so fine with how the way things are between us then why are you so jealous?
Leonard: The important thing is he's married and that's terrible.
Penny: Nice save, genius.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: What are you looking at? You've never seen a hypocrite before?

Quote from Howard

Howard: Gather around, kids. It's time for Sheldon's beloved Christmas special.

Quote from Penny

Penny: Dave is not smarter than you. He's an idiot.
Leonard: Really? Why would you say that?
Penny: Because a smart guy takes the nude photos of his wife off his cell phone before he tries to take nude photos of his girlfriend.
Leonard: He tried to take nude photos of you?
Penny: That's what you took from that? The guy is married.

Quote from Howard

Howard: Don't feel bad, Penny. It's a classic rookie mistake. My first Chanukah with Sheldon, he yelled at me for eight nights.

Quote from Howard

Wolowitz: He doesn't do anything for me. If I were going to go that way, I'm more of a Zac Efron kind of guy.
Raj: Oh yeah, like you have a shot with Zac Efron.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: Okay, I have just one question for you. While I am perfectly happy with the way things are between us, you said that you didn't wanna go out with me because I was too smart for you. Well, news flash, lady: David Underhill is 10 times smarter than me. You'd have to drive a railroad spike into his head for me to beat him at checkers. Next to him, I'm one of those sign-language gorillas who knows how to ask for grapes. So my question is what's up with that?
Penny: (tearfully) Why are you yelling at me?
Leonard: Sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Never mind, we're cool.

Quote from Leonard

Penny: (To David) Usually the physicists I know are indoors-y and pale.
Leonard: I'm not indoors-y. I just wear the appropriate sun block because I don't take melanoma lightly.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: Here's my home number, here's my cell, here's my office, here's my parents' number up in New Jersey, they always know how to reach me.

Quote from Raj

Raj: "Kandorian dry cleaner-" I give up, you can't have a rational argument with this man.

Quote from Howard

Howard: That doesn't count. Do over! Do over!
Sheldon: There are no do-overs in Wii bowling.
Howard: There are always do-overs when my people play sports.

Quote from Raj

Raj: Whoa. Humongous man crush, dude.

Quote from Howard

Howard: Yep. It's officially a bro-mance.

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: Forget it. I'm not giving you a present.
Sheldon: No, it's too late. I see it. That elf sticker says to Sheldon. The die has been cast. The moving finger has writ. Hannibal has crossed the Alps.

Quote from Leonard

Dave: I don't know how you live next door to that without doing something about it.
Leonard: Actually, science is my lady.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: What it is is a cacophonous assault of eucalyptus, bayberry, cinnamon and vanilla. It's as if my head were trapped in the pajamas of a sultan.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: I've been offering to show you around for a year and a half. You always said you had yoga.
Penny: I never said that.
Leonard: Maybe I heard you wrong. A lot of words sound like yoga.

Quote from Penny

Leonard: Oh, a gift certificate for motorcycle lessons. Very thoughtful.
Penny: Yeah, and I checked. Not letting the bike fall on you while standing still is lesson one.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: Oh, then I think you'll appreciate what I got you.
Penny: Okay. 101 Totally Cool Science Experiments for Kids.
Leonard: You know, 'cause you're so into science.

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