Dave: You know, I once drove 500 miles to hear him speak at Stanford.
Amy: I have a DVD of that lecture.
Dave: Really? Wasn't it great?
Amy: Not as a Valentine's present, no.

Amy: I've been smacking that ketchup bottle for a long time. All she has to do is tip it over and point it at her fries.

Amy: Don't be so hard on yourself. Do you know the story of Catherine The Great?
Penny: No.
Amy: She ruled Russia in the late 1700s and one night when she was feeling particularly randy she used an intricate system of pullies to have intimate relations with a horse.

Amy: I'm proud of you, Sheldon.
Sheldon: I'm proud of me, too. I've done all my research, I conducted an informal poll, and I've arrived at the rock solid certainly I've made the right choice.
Amy: Well, that's got to be a good feeling.
Sheldon: Oh, it is. Although ...
Amy: Oh crap!

Amy: Give me a minute. I'm stimulating the pleasure center of this starfish. I just need to turn it off.
Penny: What happens if you don't?
Amy: Then I have to sit through lunch knowing this starfish is having a better day than I am.

Penny: "'Time travel? I don't understand', said Amelia. Cooper stared at her, 'Which word don't you understand? Time or travel."
Bernadette: Wow. Even in your fantasy, Sheldon's kind of exhausting.
Amy: He's like that in the beginning so she can change him. It's called good writing. And wishful thinking.

Bernadette: I can't believe Sheldon asked you to be his roommate.
Amy: I can't believe he ran my credit.

Sheldon: Why can't there just be one week each month for famous people to die?
Amy: Well, they've already arranged to die in threes. What more do you want from them?

Amy: That's very nice, but I have a boyfriend.
Bert: That's what they all say. You just don't want to go out with me because I have an off-putting personality.
Amy: No, that's not true. My boyfriend has an off-putting personality, too. Like way worse than you.

Bernadette: Did she say she didn't like you?
Penny: Of course not. Nobody ever says they don't like you straight to your face.
Amy: Heh, we have led different lives!

Bernadette: Speaking of Sheldon, how's single life treating you?
Amy: Fine, I guess. I've been focusing on me. I was thinking about changing my wardrobe.
Penny: Yes!
Bernadette: Good for you!
Amy: But then I decided I don't want to go changing who I am just because of some man.
Penny: Yes.
Bernadette: Good for you.
Penny: You know, it is normal to want to change your look after a breakup.
Amy: Actually, I was thinking of making one small change.
Bernadette: Your sweater?
Penny: Your glasses?
Bernadette: Your hair?
Penny: Your shoes.
Amy: Piercing my ears.

Amy: Piercing my ears.
Penny: Oh.
Bernadette: Oh, you really never had that done?
Amy: My mom said pierced ears were for whores, pirates and genies.
Penny: Okay, well, you're a grown woman now.
Amy: I know, but Sheldon had this clause in the Relationship Agreement forbidding cosmetic surgery unless it's to look like a Klingon.

Leonard: So it's just flirting?
Penny: Yeah, why?
Leonard: No reason, I just think it's sexier when things are left to the imagination.
Amy: (to Sheldon) He's wrong.

Howard: Anybody home?
Amy: Hey. What brings you guys here?
Raj: We were just on our way to lunch and wanted to see if you'd like to join us.
Amy: Why? Because Sheldon's not here this week and you don't think I have any other options -- I'm just kidding! I'll get my purse.

Penny: There you go, you're all done!
Amy: That wasn't so bad. Nice!
Boy, if my mom could see me now, she'd lock me in the sin closet.
Bernadette: That's a joke, right?
Amy: Actually, the joke was on her. I could still see the TV through the slats.
Penny: I'm starting to see why you and your mom aren't very close.