Penny: Coming. Yup, that's good. Wine glasses should have handles. (Answers the door to Amy)
Amy: Keeping accurate track of your alcohol intake. Smart idea considering how trampy you get when you've had a few.
Penny: You heard what I did?
Amy: I heard who you did.

Amy: Her heart's full of love, no one cares what's in her mouth.

Amy: Jewelry? Seriously? Sheldon, you are the most shallow, self-centered person I have ever met! Do you really think another transparently manipulative - Oh, it's a tiara! Put it on me, put it on me, put it on me, put it on me.

Amy: Don't be so hard on yourself. Do you know the story of Catherine The Great?
Penny: No.
Amy: She ruled Russia in the late 1700s and one night when she was feeling particularly randy she used an intricate system of pullies to have intimate relations with a horse.

Penny: Wait, what is going on?
Sheldon: In case you have forgotten, Schrodinger's cat is a thought experiment.
Penny: No, no, no, no, I didn't forget. Um, there's this cat in a box and until you open it, it's either dead or alive or both. Although, back in Nebraska, our cat got stuck in my brother's camp trunk, and we did not need to open it to know there was all kinds of dead cat in there.
Amy: Homespun stories, knowledge of physics and a bosom that defies it. You're the whole package, aren't you?

Amy: Sheldon, is it possible that your foul mood -- or, to use the clinical term, bitchiness -- is because your mother isn't making you a priority?
Sheldon: No. Or, to use the clinical term: "nuh-uh."

Amy: Sheldon, I'm going to ask you something, and Id like you to keep an open mind. Sheldon: Always.
Amy: At this moment, I find myself craving human intimacy and physical contact.
Sheldon: Oh, boy. You know ours is a relationship of the mind.
Amy: Proposal, one wild night of torrid lovemaking that soothes my soul and inflames my loins.
Sheldon: Counterproposal, I will gently stroke your head and repeat "Aww, who's a good Amy?"
Amy: How about this? French kissing, seven minutes in heaven culminating in second base.
Sheldon: Neck massage, then you get me that beverage.
Amy: We cuddle. Final offer.
Sheldon: Very well. Oh, boy.

(Amy & Sheldon are awkwardly cuddling.)
Amy: I'm just saying, second base is right there.

Amy: Whee! Ooh, finally someone found second base.

Amy: Sheldon I'm disappointed, as a brilliant man you're entitled to a vice. I could understand frequenting an opium den or hunting your fellow man for sport, but this? Lame-o!
Sheldon: Well, A, comic books employ story telling through sequential art, a medium that dates back 17, 000 years to the cave paintings of Lascaux, and B, you play the harp. Like that's cool.

Amy: (Reading Sheldon's relationship agreement) Section 5, Hand Holding: Hand holding is only allowed under the following circumstances: A. either party is in danger of falling of a cliff, precipice or ledge; B. either party is deserving of a hearty hand shake after winning a Nobel prize; C. moral support during flu shots.

Stuart: Can I help you find anything?
Amy: A comic that doesn't depict a woman whose bosom can be used as a flotation device.

Amy: Sheldon, sometimes you forget, I'm a lady. And, with that comes an estrogen- fueled need to page through thick glossy magazines that make me hate my body.

Amy: If you're keeping him, I've got a cage you can borrow. One of the test monkeys slipped on a banana peel and broke his neck. It was both tragic and hysterical.

Amy: Yo, P-dawg!