Barry Kripke: (To Raj, slipping him a dollar) Yeah, nice speech, Francine.

Barry Kripke: Howard, I'm going to say something to you that everybody's thinking but nobody has the courage to say out loud. When you invite a man to a bachelor party, the implication is there will be strippers. Maybe not completely nude, but at least pasties and G-strings. That's not unreasonable!

Barry Kripke: Nobody cares, Hofstadter. Wrap it up.

Howard: Actually, Barry, we're not going to have strippers tonight.
Barry Kripke: Aww, then what the flip did I get $200 in singles out for?

Sheldon: As you know, the essence of diplomacy is compromise. With that in mind, I propose the following: I will take Rothman's office... and you will find a way to be okay with that.
Barry Kripke: How about I take Rothman's office and you go suck a lemon?

Barry Kripke: Cooper.
Sheldon: Kripke, come in. I'm making tea. Would you like a cup?
Barry Kripke: Am I weawing a summer frock? No, I don't want tea. Let's get down to brass tacks.

Kripke: What's up, fellas?
Sheldon: What are you doing here, Kripke?
Kripke: Ah, measuring my new office for drapes.
Sheldon: This is not your office. It hasn't been assigned yet.
Kripke: Well, I called dibs at the Christmas party when Professor Rothman tried to have intercourse with the toys for tots collection box.
Sheldon: Dibs? This is a university, not a playground. Offices are not assigned because someone called dibs.
Leonard: You just called dibs.
Sheldon: Shut it. Offices are assigned by seniority. I arrived at the university first.
Kripke: I arrived at the office first. I'm the proverbial early bird.

Kripke: Siwi, can you recommend a restaurant?
Siri: I'm sorry, Bawwy. I don't understand "wecommend a westauwant."

Raj: Don't talk to her (Siri) that way. She's a lady.
Barry Kripke: Well, that lady took high-res pictures of my junk last night for Craigslist. Later!

Barry Kripke: Heads up. Professor Rothman urinated in the physics lab again. So we're going to move up his retirement party. Friday 5 o'clock pot luck.

Barry Kripke: Listen to me. Not westauwant, westauwant. See, total cwap. You suck, Siwi!

Barry Kripke: I'm Barry Kripke and I'm here because you told me there was going to be a raffle. When is the raffle?

Barry Kripke: Go ahead, Zach. Naked drunk girl, free balling. Continue.

Sheldon: Forgive me, but I think you'll find my story is more interesting.
Barry Kripke: Does your story have wet breasts in it?

Barry Kripke: Hey, Cooper. I hear you're going to be on the radio with Ira Flatow from Science Friday next week.
Sheldon: Thank you, Kripke, for depriving me of the opportunity to share my news with my friends.
Barry Kripke: My pleasure.
Sheldon: My thanks were not sincere.
Barry Kripke: Ah, but my pleasure is.