Amy: There sure are a lot of little kids here.
Penny: I can't believe we thought this would make us feel grown up.
Bernadette: I can't believe the waiter thought I was your daughter.

Penny: Let me ask you a question. When did you guys start feeling grown up? Because I'm not sure I do.
Bernadette: Honestly, I thought when I got married I would, but I still feel like I'm pretending. It doesn't help that most of my clothes come from Gap Kids.

Penny: I mean really, what's so great about being grown up?
Bernadette: Well for starters, we'd be splitting this check three ways.

Jesse: You're back.
Bernadette: *Angry voice* Yes, I am. There's a few more things I want to say to you. Stuart's store is just fine. And he's a much nicer person than you are. And if you still have that comic I'd like to buy it right now.
Jesse: No problem. Want a latte while you wait?
Bernadette: No, I don't want a latte. I want a cappuccino and a blueberry scone.
Jesse: I only have chocolate chip.
Bernadette: Well that sounds even better!

Howard: If you're initimated by talking to attractive girls, maybe you should practice by talking to regular people.
Raj: You mean like fatties and uggos?
Bernadette: Or maybe just stop talking.

Howard: I'm serious. Go to the mall, talk to anybody. Practice. That way when you eventually do talk to a cute girl, it won't be so scary.
Bernadette: Or just keep dating the possum.

Bernadette: (Shouting from the bathroom) How many times do I have to tell you to replace the toilet paper when it's empty?
Howard: I'm in the middle of something.
Bernadette: So am I!

Howard: I've never done this before, it's kinda fun.
Raj: Yeah, if your mom could see her little Bar Mitzvah boy, she'd have a heart attack.
Bernadette: Good idea. I'll take a picture.

Bernadette: Aww, Raj did the dishes.
Howard: How do you know I didn't do them?
Bernadette: Because once when all the knives were dirty, you cut a bagel with your keys.

Bernadette: I guess we're going to have to do all the cooking.
Howard: I have a better idea.
Bernadette: If you think you're going to get to me do all this by yourself, you're crazy.
Howard: I was going to get Raj to do it all by himself.
Bernadette: Oh, well that's a great idea.

Amy: Oh my gosh, that's the girl that broke Rajesh's heart.
Bernadette: That's Lucy?
Penny: I don't know why but I always pictured her as Indian.
Bernadette: I think that reason's called racism.

Raj: Can I tell her she looks nice?
Bernadette: Sure.
Raj: Can I tell her I miss her?
Bernadette: Maybe, if she asks.
Raj: Can I show her an oil painting I made of us surrounded by our children and grand-children.
Bernadette: I'd save that for the second date.

Amy: So what tools did you bring?
Howard: Everything we need to make jewellery moulds. Here's some silver, a crucible, and an acetylene torch to melt it down.
Penny: Ooh, that looks fun.
Bernadette: Maybe you should master glue before you move onto fire.

Bernadette: Great news. A raccoon virus just crossed the species barrier and can now infect humans.
Raj: Why is that great news?
Bernadette: In the pharmaceutical business we have a saying: mo' infections, mo' money.

Howard: Oh, Bernie. What happened?
Bernadette: Let's just say the next time you move a dozen vials of raccoon virus to the fridge, make two trips.