Howard: I can't believe we spent three months in that frozen hell.
Raj: It's like a snowy nightmare from which there's no awakening.

Howard: (Talking to his private parts) I'm doing this for you, Little Buddy. (Eats the Granola bar)

Raj: I don't believe it!
Howard: Neither do I. Doogie Howser's been off the air for like 20 years.

Raj: I love this time of the year. The leaves are turning, there's a bracing chill in the air.
Howard: Plus there's a whole new crop of female grad students about to put on just enough winter weight to make them needy and vulnerable. That's right, honey, have another calzone. Daddy can wait.

Raj: How are you going to get James Earl Jones?
Sheldon: Simple. Earlier today he tweeted that he's looking forward to going to his favorite Sushi restaurant for dinner. I googled an interview from four years ago, which was conducted in his favorite Sushi restaurant and that's where he'll be. And that's where I'm going. And that's -
Howard: And that's where Darth Vader is going to pour soy sauce on your head.

Bernadette: She's just so impossible, they keep quitting.
Sheldon: So who's watching her now?
Howard: A bowl full of M&Ms with a few Ambien tossed in.

Howard: How'd you get that?
Dr. Lorvis: Easy. Gene Rodenberry needed a vasectomy.
Sheldon: You've snipped Gene Rodenberry's vas deferens?
Dr. Lorvis: Yes.
Howard: Wow, you really went where no man has gone before.

Howard: Stuart, we're here.
Raj: It's nice of you to let him keep staying at your mom's house.
Howard: Yeah. Well, I tried putting him out on the curb, but nobody took him.

Raj: I feel cool. Like Puss in Boots.
Leonard: I always wanted to be a swashbuckler when I was a kid.
Sheldon: Technically, swashbuckler is a combination of two terms. Swash referring to the sound of the sword. Swash. And then buckler, meaning a small shield, which you don't have.
Raj: We can still be swashers.
Howard: Hmm, well said, Puss.

Raj: 60 seconds. This is not looking good.
Sheldon: One minute is a long time.
Howard: I've been telling women that for 20 years.

Howard: It's amazing people keep coming to comic book stores instead of just downloading comics digitally.
Leonard: It's probably for the best. For a lot of these guys, the weekly trip here is the only chance their mom has to go down to the basement to change their sheets.
Howard: Oh, that reminds me, I get fresh sheets tonight. Yay!

Howard: When they perfect human cloning, I'm gonna order 12 of those.

Howard: I'm Batman.
Sheldon: Oh, I hardly think so. The real caped crusader calls his crime-fighting cohorts when he's running late.
Howard: I had to walk. I couldn't get Raj on the back of my scooter.

Howard:Hey, isn't that the guy who won the MacArthur genius grant last year? (everyone looks) No, not all at once.
Raj: Then how?
Howard: Leonard. Now Raj. Now Sheldon.
Raj: I didn't get a good look. Can I go again?
Howard: No.

Howard: Yeah, well, my quality father-son time was spending my adolescence looking out the window waiting for my dad to come back someday.
Raj: Yeah, okay, Howard wins.