Howard: What's going on?
Bernadette: Maybe you should have a seat.
Howard: I know my mom's not dead, there'd be balloons.

Howard: You know, I can't even watch Game of Thrones now without thinking of my mother saying "Stuart, which one is Thrones?"

Leonard: Hey, watch your speed. I hear the Mexican police target tourists.
Howard: Oh, not a problem. If anything goes down, we just put Koothrappali in the driver's seat and slap a sombrero on his head.
Raj: Dude, how many races can you offend in a single breath?
Howard: I don't know. Have you watched the Olympics with me?

Howard: I shouldn't be raising a kid. I don't even eat my own vegetables.

Raj: What just happened?
Leonard: Beats the hell outta me!
Howard: I'll tell you what happened, I just learned how to pick up Indian Chicks.

Dimitri: What are you gonna do when you get back to Earth?
Wolowitz: Oh, I'm never going back.

Wolowitz: It is I, Sir Howard of Wolowitz.

Dr. Plimpton: Can I ask you a question Howard? Do you like role-playing games?
Howard: Yeah, sure. In fact, I'm a dungeon master.

Howard: I say we just take him to Tatooine and sell him to some Jawas.
Raj: That's two, dude. Write your own jokes.

Howard: It's hot in here, it must be Summer.

Howard: Sometime through the night an armadillo fell in, then he spooned me.

Leonard: What are you doing?
Wolowitz: Well, he wasn't using it, and I needed some cool leather to wiggle my naked ass on.

Howard: No, not like us. Creepy chummy. Like you and your dog.
Raj: She feeds him out of her own mouth?
Howard: I mean he calls her Debbie, she calls him Stewie, and they're all giggly around each other. And believe me when food goes in that mouth it does not come out.

Amy: Uh, excuse me, can I have my phone back?
Howard: Hang on, I'm trying to find you the next great love of your life. The man who will father your children.
Okay, yes or no on white guy with dreadlocks?

Emily: So, how does this work?
Bernadette: The soup kitchen manager assigns the jobs, and the shifts are six hours.
Howard: Six hours? Oh, God, I don't want to complain for that long.
Raj: Do you ever do anything for anyone else?
Howard: I happen to be a giving and generous lover.