Leonard: Okay. You want to start loading this stuff into the truck?
Howard: Yeah, I guess. Hey, would you do me a favor? Go on ahead. I just want one last moment alone in my old room.
Leonard: We're not standing outside by the U-Haul while you fondle yourself.
Howard: Fine, let's go.

Sheldon: Now, do you know what Leonard and Penny got us for our wedding gift?
Howard: Well-
Sheldon: Don't answer. I don't want to know. I just want to know if you know.
Howard: I do know.
Sheldon: Okay, great. I believe that Amy and I have figured it out. Is it a clue to a scavenger hunt that will lead us to the actual present?
Howard: If you're asking if you and Amy should spend the next couple days running all over town searching for the next clue, I'm gonna have to say yes.
Sheldon: I knew it! This is so much fun.
Howard: Oh, it really is.

Howard: All right, got his enemies list. Ooh, he updated the interface. You can search by first name, last name or length of grudge.
Raj: Is Tam on it?
Howard: Let's see. Yep. Right here. Tam Nguyen.
Leonard: Oh, great. What did he do?
Howard: Hold on. I have to agree to the terms of service. No, I'm not a robot. Okay.
"Which of these are plants?" And we're in.

Howard: So, he was your best friend growing up?
Tam: Yes.
Howard: Were there no other kids in Texas?

Sheldon: Well, I can understand how that would make someone irritable.
Howard: Interesting fact: "irritable" comes from the Latin, "susceptible to anger."
Sheldon: Just because I used a word doesn't mean I want its etymology.
Howard: Interesting fact: "etymology" comes from the Greek word-

[Halley crying]
Howard: I'll go talk to her.
Bernadette: I don't know why she's suddenly so afraid of everything.
Howard: Honey, remember, she's my child, too.

Amy: Guys, come on, I think I'm in trouble.
Howard: It's no big deal. I used to get called into H.R. all the time. Ms. Davis is great. Pro tip: if you find strong women sexy, do not say it out loud.

Howard: It just feels like Denise is basically living with us. You know, maybe you can spend half the time at her place.
Stuart: Hey, when I moved in, you and Bernadette said it was okay if I brought girls over.
Howard: [laughs] Oh. We were making fun of you.

Howard: Hey, look at me I'm a fancy Indian man! We invented pajamas! (About what Raj said to Sheldon's sister.)

Raj: So you never played baseball as a kid? Not even little league?
Howard: Well, I was going to but the day of tryouts I found my dad's Playboy collection. Threw my arm out.

Wolowitz: Gentlemen, to the sewing machines!

Priya: I guess he is a little quirky.
Wolowitz: Quirky? That crazy bastard is looking at quirky in the rear view mirror.

Howard: What are you doing?
Raj: It's called Lamaze breathing. It helps you push.
Howard: Great! He's pushing with his uterus.

Howard: Hey, I'm damaged, too. How about a hug for Howie?

Howard: Bernadette say fo'shizzle to my nerdizzles.