Emily: Ooh, I'm not sure I'm comfortable sharing details about our relationship in front of Howard.
Raj: Oh. He's here to support me, so anything you have to say you can say in front of him.
Emily: Okay. Well, whenever you and I were in bed-
Raj: Howard, get out.
Howard: Not a chance.

Emily: You know, the same thing happened to me. After I broke up with Raj, I met Gary, who's just amazing.
Howard: Sorry, is that "Gary" with one R or two?
Raj: Would you stop writing?!

Raj: Okay, maybe we should just end this.
Howard: Wait, hang on. I just want to point out to everyone here, this is a man who is going to great lengths to better himself. Even at the risk of being humiliated. And I, for one, think that's very brave.
Raj: Thank you, Howard.
Emily: Honestly, I'm surprised you two didn't wind up together.
Howard: Well, like you gals, I had to suffer through him to find Bernadette.

Howard: I'll make you a deal. Thirty years from now, if you're still single and things don't work out with me and Bernadette you and I can give it a go.
Raj: I appreciate the offer, but if things don't work out with you two, I'm swooping in on her like a vulture.
Howard: Too late. Stuart called dibs.

Howard: Okay, I'm zeroing out the electro-osmotic flow rate in the micro-fluidic channel.
Leonard: Nicely done, Howard.
Howard: Well, my wife is four-foot-ten and sexually satisfied, so clearly I know my way around tiny things.
Leonard: Good for you, on the cutting edge of new technology and still making inappropriate comments about the mother of your child.
Howard: Those are just the things I say out loud.

Leonard: (electrical crackling) What is that?
Howard: I don't know, but if he yells, "It's alive," we run.

Leonard: Okay, look, Sheldon, the Colonel wants us to make the guidance system smaller, and we can't do it without you.
Sheldon: Interesting. So I was right.
Howard: Open a window. It's about to get smug in here.

Penny: Oh, someone's been shopping at Gucci.
Raj: Yeah, I saw something for Halley and I couldn't resist.
Bernadette: That's so sweet of you.
Raj: Yeah, it's a crushed velvet baby cape.
Howard: Oh, no, now we have two.

Leonard: Hey, you guys let Stuart live with you. Why not Raj, too?
Howard: What-what are you doing? I-I-I schlepped the baby over, I brought imported beer. Why don't you like me?

Raj: Okay, Sheldon. Yeah, I'm putting you in charge of my finances. I will not spend another penny that you don't authorize.
Sheldon: Very well. Hey, Comic-Con tickets go on sale this Friday. You can't buy one.
Howard: Oh, better luck next time, Pink Cheeks.

Raj: Okay, you're right, I got myself into this, but I've never missed a Comic-Con with you guys.
Sheldon: Your father may have spoiled you, but I won't. If you want a ticket to Comic-Con, I suggest you figure out a way to earn the money yourself.
Howard: Yeah, you're a grown man who's highly educated. You could charge people money to punch you.

Bernadette: It's so hard to say no to you.
Howard: Thank you.
Bernadette: So I'll say maybe.
Howard: What? Why?
Bernadette: You said tickets don't go on sale till Friday, right?
Howard: Yeah.
Bernadette: You said you were gonna do all this stuff for me, right?
Howard: (losing enthusiasm) Yeah.
Bernadette: See where I'm going with this?
Howard: (dejected) Yeah.

Howard: What do you want?
Raj: I'm looking to make extra money and was wondering if you had any chores I could do.
Howard: Hang on. Bernie, can I outsource my chores to an Indian guy?
Bernadette: No!
Howard: I tried.

Bernadette: He's such a sweetie.
Howard: I know, I wish there was some way we could help him.
Bernadette: If he could find a girl with a good job, all his problems would be over.
Howard: (scrubbing the inside of the oven) Yeah, that's working out great for me.

Howard: You know what, I'm not gonna go either. I'm a father now. I'd rather spend time with my family.
Bernadette: You just don't want to go alone with Sheldon.
Howard: (rushing out of the room) I'm gonna go check on dinner.