Penny: Hey, guys. What'd I miss, what'd I miss?
Howard: Giselle's hanging by a thread.
Penny: Oh, good, I hate her.
Howard: Then you're not invited to our wedding.

Mrs. Wolowitz: Howard it's the phone!
Howard: I know it's the phone ma! I hear the phone!
Mrs. Wolowitz: Who is calling at this ungodly hour?
Howard: I don't know!
Mrs. Wolowitz: Well ask them why are they calling at this ungodly hour!
Howard: How can I ask them when I'm talking to you?

Howard: Renaissance fairs aren't about historical accuracy, they're about taking chubby girls who work at Kinko's and lacing them up in corsets so tight their bosoms jump out and say "Howdy".
Sheldon: Bosoms would not have said "Howdy" in the 15th century. If anything, they would've said "Huzzah".
Howard: I don't care what the bosoms say, Sheldon, I just want to be part of the conversation.

Wolowitz: The way I see it, I'm halfway to pity sex.

Howard: Grab a napkin, homey, you just got served.
Leonard: That's fine, you win.
Howard: What's his problem?
Sheldon: His imaginary girlfriend broke up with him.
Howard: Been there!

Sheldon: How often does one see a beloved fictional character come to life?
Wolowitz: Every year at ComiCon. Every day at Disneyland. You can hire Snow White to come to your house. Of course they prefer if you have a kid.

Leonard: Penny is not the reason I did not pursue that idea.
Sheldon: Oh really? Since meeting her, what have been your greatest accomplishments?
Raj: Easy. Sleeping with Penny.
Howard: Getting Penny to go back out with him after she dumped him.
Raj: Tricking Penny into getting engaged.
Howard: And a few weeks ago he almost did a pull-up!

Raj: My name is Little Orphan Annie. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
Howard: My name is Darth Vader. I am your father. Prepare to die.

Wolowitz: You got her to have sex with you. Obviously your super power is brainwashing.

Penny: It is the things you love that make you who you are.
Wolowitz: I guess that makes me large breasts.

Howard: Women, you can't live with them. You can't successfully refute their hypotheses.
Sheldon: Amen to that.

Wolowitz: *After he fixed Sheldon's algorithm* Gee, why can't Sheldon get a friend?

Amy: (About Sheldon) Why do I even try?
Bernadette: I'm going to fix this right now.
Howard: Okay, but just make it look like an accident.

Howard: Easy. Instead of saying; 'No we don't wanna go on an NSF expedition,' say; 'No we don't wanna spend three months stuck in a cabin in the Arctic Circle with an anal nutbag!'

Bernadette: Good Morning, handsome.
Howard: Good morning, mom.
Bernadette: It's me!