Howard: Easy. Instead of saying; 'No we don't wanna go on an NSF expedition,' say; 'No we don't wanna spend three months stuck in a cabin in the Arctic Circle with an anal nutbag!'

Raj: How about we get an electric saw and cut it off?
Howard: What? No saws. One circumcision was enough.

Howard: Wazzup, my nerdizzles?

Howard: It was an hour ago, Sheldon. A Jew sits in front of a house in Texas for that long, for sale signs start to go up.

*Howard imitates Raj's drunken Bollywood Breakdance*
Raj: That's very offensive.
Howard: Yeah, we all thought so.

Wolowitz: As delicious as the appetizer may be, sooner or later we will have to succumb and eat the entree while its still ... hot.

Raj: What's with him?
Leonard: Penny is keeping him up at night.
Howard: Me too. But probably in a different way.

Penny: She'll have sex with anyone as long as they keep buying her things.
Howard: Really?
Penny: Yeah!
Howard: Yay! If you'll excuse me, I have some bar mitzvah bonds to cash.

Sheldon: Why does Leonard get to go?
Wolowitz: Because he's upset over his situation with Penny, and if I have to hear about it again, I'm gonna kick him in his ovaries!
Leonard: Thanks for understanding.
Howard: I've got your back, sister!

Howard: A week ago, I was an astronaut.
Bernadette: Yeah, well, today you're a Smurf! Keep moving!

Howard: Look, if you don't want to go to the party, just don't go. You're a grown man. Act like one. Tell Amy you want to spend the weekend having a sleepover and playing video games with your friends!

Howard: Wait till you see this.
Raj: It's fantastic. Unbelievable!
Leonard: See what?
Howard: (Putting in DVD) It's a Stephen Hawking lecture from MIT in 1974.
Leonard: This isn't a good time.
Howard: (Imitating Stephen Hawking) It's before he became a creepy computer voice.

Raj: Excuse me, I can't be drinking, I'm about to make an important scientific discovery here.
Howard:What? Galileo did his best work while drinking wine.
Raj: How do you know that?
Howard: He was Italian, it's a reasonable assumption.
Raj: Dude, can you even open your mouth without saying a cultural stereotype?
Howard: I'm sorry. Galileo drank diet sprite.

Wolowitz: Love is not a sprint, it's a marathon, a relentless pursuit that only ends when she falls into your arms - or hits you with the pepper spray.

Raj: Sit, you look like you've had a long day.
Howard: Naw, she always looks like that. ... Because she married an idiot.