Howard: Damn it! I should've gone over and told her we were back.
Raj: Yeah, it was first come first serve.

Howard: By the way, where did you get that loofah mitt? Yours reaches places that mine just won't.
Penny: You used my loofah?
Howard: More precisely, we used your loofah. I exfoliated her brains out!

Mrs. Wolowitz: Howard! What are you doing in there?
Howard: I'm taking a bath.
Mrs. Wolowitz: I hope that's all you're doing, we share that tub.
Howard: Don't remind me.

Raj: Come on, Sheldon, Star Wars.
Howard: I'm pushing play. I mean it. If we don't start soon, George Lucas is going to change it again.

Howard: [Chuckles] Look at that. There's finally a woman in your life you can talk to.

Howard: She hid my XBOX like I'm a child. And my mom got me that for my birthday so if you don't give it back, I'm telling.

Sheldon: Amy ruined Raiders of the Lost Ark for me, so I'm trying to find something beloved of hers and ruin that.
Howard: Because her life wasn't enough?

Raj: Sit, you look like you've had a long day.
Howard: Naw, she always looks like that. ... Because she married an idiot.

Howard: It was an hour ago, Sheldon. A Jew sits in front of a house in Texas for that long, for sale signs start to go up.

Raj: Why can't I be in a relationship with a girl who likes The Sound of Music?
Howard: Raj, you are the girl in the relationship who likes The Sound of Music.

Howard: Why're you being so quiet? You upset or are you just rebooting?

Leonard: How's your mom holding up?
Howard: She's okay, but we just lost another nurse.
Amy: How many's that now?
Howard: Two, and I know what you're thinking: she's eating them.

Bernadette: Why can't he take your mom? You took her to your prom.
Howard: I didn't take her. She was a chaperone.
Bernadette: I saw a picture of you two dancing together.
Howard: Well what was I gonna do? They were playing our song.

Raj: Before you finish, is this a story about patience or waiting, or just another reminder that you went to space?
Howard: A story can do two things.

Howard: Why don't you just clean out the whole room? Take the string-art clown I made her in third grade. And the ribbon I got in swim class for putting my face in the water.