Stuart: Some son! Looks like you spent ten minutes on that clown art.
Howard: Well, maybe I should have gone to a fancy art school like you, then I could run a failed comic shop and mooch off some guy's mother.

Howard: Your entire job is to find lost luggage and you've narrowed down the location of my mother to the planet Earth?

Howard: Okay, I get it. I know how the world works. How about if I were to introduce you to the man who freed your people.
Nurse: Unless my people were freed by Benjamin Franklin and his five twin brothers, you are wasting your time.

Howard: I think you broke the dowels. You're not gonna have time to glue it back on. You'll have to nail it.
Raj: With what?
Howard: Does she have any pillows or wine glasses?
Raj: She does.
Howard: Great. Neither of those. Try a hammer!
Raj: Did that feel good? You feel like a big man now?

Howard: Oh, man. This is the boutineer from my high school prom. A piece of cake from my Bar Mitzvah.
Bernadette: Did she throw anything away?
Howard: No. If I find my foreskin, I'm gonna kill myself.

Howard: First take a picture with me.
Bernadette: Why?
Howard: Well, Raj and I always talked about learning how to make cocktails like this together, so I taught myself and I'm putting this on Instagram so he can see it and feel like a turd. Say cheese!

Howard: All right, playtime's over. Let's open this baby up.
Sheldon: Won't that void the warranty?
Howard: Sheldon, I have a master's degree in engineering. I wipe my bottom with warranties. Except for AppleCare. That pays for itself in the long run.

Howard: My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

Howard: May I say something?
Bernadette: Is it about how I can't have new wallpaper 'cause your dad left when you were little and your mom died?
Howard: Never mind.

Raj: Stop hitting on my lady or you shall experience my wrath.
Sheldon: I am not hitting on her.
Lalita: And I am not your Lady.
Howard: And you have no wrath.

Wolowitz: Whaddup science bitches?

Howard: Aah, this takes me back. Leonard obsessing about Penny. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love your new stuff but, once in a while, it's nice to hear the hits.
Raj: Ooh, ooh, do "our babies will be smart and beautiful." That one always makes me laugh.

Wolowitz: You don't seem to be understanding the English word no. Maybe a different language will help. Russian: Nyet. Chinese: Bu. Japanese: iie. Klingon: qo. Binary-coded ASCII: 01101110 01101111.
Sheldon: It's actually 01100111.

Wolowitz: Is it 'cause I'm Jewish, 'cause I’d kill my Rabbi with a porkchop to be with your sister.

Raj: Okay, show of hands: who's up for this?
(Howard eagerly raises his hand)
Leonard: We'll all be naked, in front of each other.
Howard (lowering his hand): I'm out.