Wolowitz: Take your stinking paws off my popcorn, you damn dirty ape.

Wolowitz: Have you thought about putting him in a crate when you're out of the apartment?

Wolowitz: Have you told your parents you're dating this short glass of skim milk?

Leonard: Howard, relax. I am not interested in your girlfriend.
Howard: I hope not. Because you don't wanna mess with me. *Gets in Leonard's face* I'm crazy.

Sheldon (to himself): Structure, constant structure, one atom.
Howard: Boy, he's really gone, isn't he?
Leonard: Yeah, this morning he used a stick of butter as deodorant.
Howard: I thought I smelled popcorn.

Raj: (Reading Game Card) Enslaved by warlocks, stay here till you roll 2,4,or --
Leonard: She was mad at him, she was done with him, the relationship was broken beyond repair and I walked over there and I fixed it.
Howard: Boy that story gets better every time you hear it.

Howard: Settle this. Those little animated pictures on the Internet, are they called "gifs" or "jifs"?
Leonard: Well, the G stands for "graphics." That's a hard G, so I'd say "gif."
Raj: What? The guy who invented it says it's "jif."
Howard: I'm sorry, do you mean the guy or the juy?

Mrs. Wolowitz:What's going on? Are you boys rough housing?
Howard: We're just talking, Ma!
Mrs. Wolowitz: If you don't settle down right now, I'm not gonna let you have any more sleepovers.
Howard: For God's Sake, Ma, I'm 27 years old. And it's not even a school night.

Howard: If you don't leave now, she'll use food and guilt to keep you there the rest of your life.

Bernadette: So your boyfriend's a fixer-upper? Most of them are. I mean look at this guy. You think he came like this? When I met him he was a hot, goofy mess. Now, he's been to Space. That's all me!
Howard: I had a little to do with it.
Bernadette: Oh sure you did. Who's momma's big Space Man?
Howard: I am!

*Raj comes in playing Darth Vader's background music from Star Wars*
Leonard: Would you please turn your shirt off?
Raj: What? I'm giving myself dramatic entrance music. People will know I'm awesome and to be feared.
Wolowitz: Right. There's nothing more awesome and frightening than a man who's got music blasting from between his nipples.

Dr. Plimpton: Tonight, you are the delivery man, you brought soup, and uh-oh! Raj and I don't have enough money to pay you! So we'll have to come to some other kind of arrangement?
Howard: Beg your pardon?
Dr. Plimpton: You two figure out the details; I'm gonna change into something I don't mind getting ripped off my milky flesh! (goes off to change)
Howard: What the frack?
Raj: Go away. She wants New Delhi, not kosher deli. Besides, you have a girlfriend.
Howard: Yeah, we broke up weeks ago.
Raj: What? Why didn't you say anything?
Howard: I was waiting for the right time; this is a right time.

Bernadette: It's just furniture.
Howard: It's my mom's furniture. It belongs in the house I grew up in, next to that pile of TV Guides and in full view of what, for a ten-year-old, was a quality piece of string-art!

Sheldon: Camouflaging bald spots. That's primarily a male concern. Perhaps we could expand our market.
Penny: How are flower barrettes going to appeal to men?
Wolowitz: We add Bluetooth.

Howard: The monster truck is out of Austin, Texas, and the blue Viper is being operated from suburban Tel Aviv.
Sheldon: You may want to put on slacks.
Penny: What? Eww! Stop it! No! Leave me alone.
Leonard:Who's running the red Corvette?
Howard: That would be me!