Raj: Why can't I be in a relationship with a girl who likes The Sound of Music?
Howard: Raj, you are the girl in the relationship who likes The Sound of Music.

Raj: Okay. So in the last twenty minutes we've seen a crazy woman kissing a foetus in a jar. We've seen a guy cut in half and sown to a fish.
Howard: And the brutal dismemberment of a rotisserie chicken by my mother.

Raj: Okay, let's get this over with. Eww, it's got someone's hair on it.
Howard: Oh, yeah. You're gonna do great with this movie.

Raj: Hey, listen to this. Murder, cannibalism and satanic rituals are just a few of the thousand-plus horrors that await.
Howard: I just helped my mum out of the tub, so I'm one slippery horror ahead of you.

Raj: You're a good son. I don't know how you do it.
Howard: Beach blankets, my friend. It's all about beach blankets.

Raj: You know when Cinnamon won't take her medicine. I hide it in a piece of cheese.
Howard: Good idea. We can wrap up the pill in cheese, feed it to Cinnamon and then my mom can eat Cinnamon.

Howard: Hey, it's not like cotton candy comes out of you.

Bernadette: I'm excited to meet Emily.
Howard: I just hope he doesn't blow it.
Bernadette: Why would you say that?
Howard: Because he's Raj. That's his thing. Beckham can bend it. Ralph can wreck it. Raj can blow it.

Raj: We have to go over some ground rules about Emily.
Howard: Like when it turns out she's made of rubber, I don't say anything?
Raj: She's very real.
Howard: That's what it says on the box. Right next to dishwasher safe.

Sheldon: Do you think he's right? Am I wasting my life on a theory that can't be proved?
Howard: Maybe. But how great is Game of Thrones?

Howard: I hope I can meet her as soon as possible.
Raj: Why the rush? She isn't going anywhere.
Howard: Oh, she is. But I like that attitude!

Raj: Any news on your co-worker who's in the hospital?
Bernadette: The poor thing. She was in surgery for eighteen hours. She's alive but she's still in critical condition.
Raj: Oh no.
Bernadette: The one bit of good news is they put her in a medically induced coma before she read the card. So you know, silver linings!
Howard: Were you like this when I married you?

Howard: It was an hour ago, Sheldon. A Jew sits in front of a house in Texas for that long, for sale signs start to go up.

Sheldon: Aren't you gonna come with me?
Howard: While you confront your mother about her sex life? I'd rather go back to that bar in assless chaps.

Howard: I was going to say we pick up a cake or a pie, but an insult to her faith is always thoughtful.