Bert: Thanks for coming to the mineral and rock show with me.
Raj: We're sorry Amy didn't want to go.
Howard: Really, really sorry.

Raj: So we tell him she's a lesbian?
Howard: Of course we tell him she's a lesbian.

Howard: Mineral and rock show? That would be awful even without Bert.

Amy: You make jokes about Sheldon but if it weren't for him, I don't think any of us would be sitting in in this room right now.
Howard: Really? Sheldon not being here is the main reason I'm in this room.

Raj: Sit, you look like you've had a long day.
Howard: Naw, she always looks like that. ... Because she married an idiot.

Raj: Hey, when you got home today and complained about feeling sick from eating too many jelly beans, did I tell you how to fix it? No. I said "Aww, that must hurt." and I rubbed your belly.
Howard: I thought of you (Bernadette), the whole time.

Howard: Sounds like Zack's the victim, you're sleeping with his wife.

Howard: She should quiet down soon. I gave her enough pain meds to choke a ... well, her.

Howard: My mom's been to Arizona. She rode one of those mules down in the Grand Canyon. Long story short: they had to shoot it.
*Blank look from Bernadette's father*
Howard: ... because she's so fat.
*door rings*
Howard: I'll get the door while you finish laughing.

Penny: Howard, cow tipping - real or not?
Howard: I'm going to say not. That's just based on me trying to roll my mom over when she's snoring.

Howard: So you can never take it (the sweater) off?
Leonard: No.
Raj: Not even to sleep?
Leonard: No.
Howard: So you're just an idiot?
Leonard: It's called proving a point.
Howard: Is the point you're an idiot?

Howard: Look who's here to put the Jew in Jewellery night.

Howard: I was going to make a necklace for my mom but unfortunately she doesn't have a neck. She's just chins and fat and feet.

Raj: Excuse me, I happen to be very comfortable with my masculinity.
Howard: How is that possible?

Sheldon: Sheldon Cooper does not cry.
Howard: That's true, you'd rust.