Bernadette: How do you feel about this?
Howard: That she can clearly do better, but that's not for me to say.

Bernadette: Hey, Howard.
Howard: Yeah?
Bernadette: It looks like you could crack a walnut in those glutes.
Howard: I can't. I tried.

Leonard: Sounds like Penny and Bernadette had fun last night.
Howard: I know. Bernie came home pretty drunk. She tried to sleep in the dryer.

Howard: Do I look like I just woke up?
Leonard: No.
Howard: Great. I'm gonna go say hey to Raj.

Amy: What are you going as?
Howard: I don't want to ruin the surprise. You'll see it at work. Just a warning: it's pretty scary.
Sheldon: Is it a bird?
Howard: No.
Sheldon: Is it a dog?
Howard: No.
Sheldon: Oh, I think I'll be fine, then.

Howard: Well, for what it's worth, I didn't think it was a very good impression of you.
Bernadette: Really? You don't think I have an annoying high-pitched voice?
Howard: No, not at all. In fact, I find your voice quite melodious.
Bernadette: Mm-hmm. And you don't think I'm unnecessarily hurtful?
Howard: What? I'm sorry. I-I couldn't hear the question. I just heard the music.

Howard: Anyway, if you guys could apologize, it'd be a big help.
Amy: Oh, we'd be happy to apologize to her as soon as she apologizes to me for not making you apologize to Sheldon.
Howard: I didn't follow that, but, then, between my wife and that guacamole, I didn't get a lot of sleep last night.

Amy: Don't you think it's unreasonable for her to ask us to do something she refused to do?
Howard: Yes. So when can you stop by?

Howard: Well, Chewbacca was losing and getting angry and-
Sheldon: W-W-Wait. Are you saying we should let the Wookiee win?
Howard: Hey. Hey, that's my wife you're talking about. (whispers) But yes, let the Wookiee win.

Howard: So, what do you think? Pretty cool, huh? And when our kids outgrow it, we can Airbnb it to other people's babies.
Bernadette: Funny.
Howard: You all right? Sorry, I haven't had a second to myself. So let me just go back inside, finish my report, brush my teeth, change out of my pajamas, make a sandwich, and then I'll come out here and laugh at your joke.
Howard: Ooh. As long as you're making sandwiches- You can laugh at that one later, too.

Leonard: Cute, but President Siebert trusted me with this, and I'm taking it seriously. If you have a legitimate request, you can submit it to me in writing, and I'll evaluate it based on its merits.
Howard: Sure, sure. Is "Jet Ski" one word or two?

Leonard: I'm not just giving it to my friend, Barry. Your proposal is also in the mix.
Howard: Wait, so those are the three? You're not even considering mine? Why, because they're PhDs and I'm just an engineer?
Leonard: No, because they wrote detailed proposals, and you sent a YouTube clip of the guy from Jerry Maguire saying, "Show me the money!"

Howard: I can tell you're stressed. If it helps, I withdraw my proposal.
Leonard: It doesn't help.
Howard: Fine. Then I'm back in the mix. Show me the money!

Raj: Hey, Leonard, can you pause the game for a second?
Leonard: Uh, hang on. I'm about to beat Howard. [after Howard pauses the game] What? Hey!
Howard: He's our friend. What's up, pal?

Raj: I don't know how else to say this, but, um, Anu and I are going to have sex tonight.
Howard: Yeah!
Leonard: Do you know how creepy that sounds?
Howard: Yeah!