Cinema Worker: Uh, were gonna get started in a couple minutes. Enjoy.
Leonard: Who are you texting?
Howard: Raj. He really wants to see this movie.
Leonard: He'll never make it in time.
Howard: I know. I want to make him feel bad.
Leonard: "Ha, ha. Leonard and I are about to see Suicide Squad. Spoiler alert, when I see you I'm gonna spoil it." You're a good friend.

Penny: It's so cute and rustic up here.
Leonard: I know. Did you see they still have a video rental place? It's like colonial Williamsburg.

Penny: My God, Leonard, do you know what I could do with that kind of money?
Leonard: No, I do, and that's why I hid it.
Penny: What good is it if you don't use it?
Leonard: Uh, you have shoes you love, but never wear. I have money I love, but never spend. We're kind of a cute couple that way.

Leonard: Again, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have kept it a secret.
Penny: Well, I have a secret I've been keeping from you, too.
Leonard: Is it a secret bank account? Because that would be awesome.

Penny: I hate my job.
Leonard: Really? Why?
Penny: Because I don't feel good flirting with doctors for sales. I mean, I know I make a lot of money. But I haven't been happy for a while.
Leonard: Why didn't you tell me?
Penny: Because I know how important it is to you that I'm having some success.
Leonard: That's not true.
Penny: Okay, really? So you'd be fine if I went back to acting and waiting tables again?
Leonard: If that's what you want to do, yes.
Penny: Well, it's not what I want to do.
Leonard: Oh, yes.

Penny: Well, why are you fighting him on this?
Leonard: Because I am tired of him always getting his way. We don't need a stupid meeting. We don't even need a roommate agreement, and I hope that sandwich does cause a party.

Penny: Hey, you ready to go?
Leonard: Hang on.
Penny: What are you doing?
Leonard: Oh, I found a scratch-and-sniff book about wine tasting. It teaches the different flavor notes to look for.
Penny: You actually smell the wine?
Leonard: I mostly just smell my nasal spray.
Penny: Are your sinuses acting up?
Leonard: Since my preschool got a bunny.

Howard: Okay, then. Geez, how much wine did you drink?
Leonard: Not a lot. I just couldn't start until you walked away.

Leonard: Oh, hey, Penny, do you want to go to the airport with me later to pick up my mother?
Penny: Sure.
Leonard: Thanks.
Penny: No problem.
Leonard: Hey, Penny, um, since you're already gonna be at the airport, do I need to go?

Howard: We've waited in a lot of lines together, havent we?
Sheldon: Remember when we camped out for the Doctor Who panel at Comic-Con?
Raj: Yeah, sleeping under the stars with other fans who love the show as much as we do.
Leonard: Waking up, wondering which one of those fans stole our wallets.

Penny: Um, so listen, I don't know if you have any plans next weekend, but I kind of promised your mom we'd have another wedding ceremony so she could attend this time.
Leonard: Wait, we're gonna get married again?
Penny: Yeah, kind of, but now we can invite our friends and family.
Leonard: Seems like a lot of trouble for a hug.

Penny: Come on, it'll be fun, and, you know, your mom was genuinely hurt we didn't invite her to the first one.
Leonard: Look, in our defense, it was kind of a spur of the moment thing, and also, we don't like her.
Penny: Leonard, come on, she's your mom. If we can do something to make her happy, why wouldn't we?
Leonard: I just said why, we don't like her.

Amy: What took you guys so long?
Leonard: Oh, we were following Howard, but for some reason, he turned off his headlights and went up a one-way street.

Leonard: Amy, how long would it take for that mad cow disease to kill me?
Amy: I don't know, four or five years.
Leonard: No, it's not gonna do it.

Leonard: Leonard's coming down the home stretch. Come on, horsey, you can do this Damn. Come on, thigh muscles, you can do this. Yes, first place! I would have been a great jockey if I weren't too tall. And scared of horses.