Penny: So, what's in it?
Leonard: Mmm, doesn't matter. Half the time, he just ends up playing with the box.

Sheldon: Yeah, it's journals and research papers I wrote as a child.
Penny: Aw, how cute. Is this like a diary?
Sheldon: No, that's my potty training journal.
Penny: Really, your potty training journal?
Sheldon: Yeah. And forgive my crude penmanship. I didn't start typing until I was six.
Penny: August 7, 8:42 a.m. This is humiliating. What was wrong with diapers?
Sheldon: There are some charts in the back where I kept track of shape, color and consistency.
Penny: Oh, disgusting.
Leonard: No, what's disgusting is he's still keeping track.

Sheldon: Yeah, the point is Higgs is being celebrated for work he did 50 years ago, so that got me thinking, perhaps I've already hit upon the idea that will win me my Nobel prize.
Leonard: I didn't know they gave Nobel prizes for making boom-boom in the potty.

Alex: It's okay, I've been around scientists all my life. My dad's an astronomer at SETI.
Leonard: Oh, SETI, the Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence. You should introduce him to Sheldon. The search is over.

Alex: So, what kind of research are you doing?
Leonard: High-energy lasers.
Alex: Ooh. Military?
Leonard: Not yet, but I can remove unwanted hair from two miles away.

Penny: So, how was work today?
Leonard: Ah, it was all right, I guess. Got to Heimlich a cherry stem out of Sheldon. Caught Raj right in the eye.
Penny: Oh, you're kidding.
Leonard: No, Raj had to go to the nurse.
Penny: Wow. Anything else?
Leonard: Mmm, the nurse is a woman, so he couldn't talk to her. She had to bring him a Grover puppet so he could point at what hurt.
Penny: Oh, is that it?
Leonard: Isn't that enough? It had the weaponized fruit and a puppet. What more do you want?

Penny: Well, maybe this is a part of Sheldon's personality he's been repressing. I mean, I think we dream about things we wish we could be in real life.
Amy: Really? What do you dream about?
Penny: Oh. Uh, being the wife of Leonard. Mostly that.
Leonard: I choose to believe you.

Leonard: If you want me to object at your wedding, just give me one of these. (taps on his nose)

Penny: Okay, new topic, please. Hey, did you hear the people upstairs in 5A are moving out?
Leonard: Shh-shh-shh!
Sheldon: What?
Penny: The people upstairs are moving out.
Leonard: No!
Sheldon: The horror!
Leonard: Why would you just say something like that?
Sheldon: No, no, no, no, no, no, no-
Penny: How else was I supposed to say it?
Leonard: Slowly, like putting a new fish in a tank. You dont just drop it in, you let the bag sit in the water a while.

Sheldon: You do understand that our efforts here will in no way increase the odds of you having sexual congress with this woman?
Leonard: Men do things for women without expecting sex.
Sheldon: Yeah, those are men who just had sex.
Leonard: I'm doing this to be a good neighbor. In any case, there's no way it could lower the odds.

Penny: Leonard, did you really just text me from the couch to put extra mustard on your sandwich?
Leonard: I was worried you might not check your e-mail.

Amy: All right, let's keep it simple. How about darts?
Sheldon: No, that's not fair either.
Penny: Why not?
Sheldon: Darts is a bar game. You've been frequenting drinking establishments since you were of legal age.
Leonard: Yeah, that's when it started.

Sheldon: Hurry up, find him, find him.
Leonard: I'm trying. Don't yell at me.
Sheldon: For goodness' sake, he's wearing a hat, glasses, and a red striped shirt.
Leonard: I know what he looks like.
Amy: Oh, there he is, I got him.
Penny: Yes, we win again.
Sheldon: How could you not find him?
Leonard: Because he's hard to find. If he was easy to find, the books would be called There's Waldo!

Howard: Don't just stand there. Slash and move, slash and move.
Leonard: Stay in formation.
Howard: Leonard, you've got one on your tail.
Leonard: That's all right. My tails prehensile, I'll swat him off.

Howard: Leonard, look out!
Leonard: Dammit man, we're dying here.
Sheldon: Goodbye, peasants.
Leonard: The bastard teleported.