Raj: I honestly don't think that that qualifies as a discovery.
Penny: But I took the picture.
Raj: Because I told you to! Like, if a monkey took the picture, did it discover the comet?
Penny: Excuse me?!
Leonard: Uh, he didn't mean monkey.
Penny: Get the hell out of my apartment!
Leonard: And she didn't mean that. [Penny turns to Leonard] Actually, I think she did. You should go.

Leonard: I guess you're just gonna have to swallow your pride.
Raj: I, I, I can't do that.
Leonard: Sure you can, just pretend it's two or three doughnuts.

Raj: This is all my fault. I brought this upon myself. I'm a bad scientist. I'm a selfish person.
Leonard: No, no, don't get upset. You're not a bad person. Just let me talk to Penny. I'm-I'm sure I can make her understand.
Raj: Thank you. You're a good friend, Leonard.
Leonard: I'm glad you think so, 'cause I may be living here soon.

Penny: Where have you been?
Leonard: I went to yell at Raj.
Penny: And? Is he gonna give me back my comet?
Leonard: Interesting thing.
Penny: Did you cave?
Leonard: Maybe I did, or maybe I did.

Leonard: But I did realize something. I-I don't need to fight your battles. You you are a strong and independent woman. You have your own voice. And, to quote another strong woman, Katy Perry, it's time to hear you roar.
Penny: Did you just think of that on your way home?
Leonard: What do you want from me? The song was on in the car. But it doesn't mean that it's not true.

Howard: Okay, are you from Star Wars universe?
Leonard: Yes.
Howard: Were you in the original trilogy?
Leonard: Yes.
Howard: Is there a picture of you in my wallet wearing a metal bikini?
Leonard: God, I hope not. And no, I'm not Princess Leia.

Raj: Oh, we should have a plan in case one of us gets lucky.
Leonard: Okay, uh, if I get lucky I'll take her to my stately manor outside Gotham City, and if you get lucky, I'll sleep on the moon.
Raj: Sounds like a plan.

Sheldon: It's so frustrating that science should be held hostage to the almighty dollar.
Leonard: Well, don't give up. You'll find that money somewhere.
Howard: You really think so?
Leonard: No, but it's good that he has a hobby.

Sheldon: Well, that's not the worst idea.
Leonard: Um, it is the worst idea, and I'm including the year that Raj wore nothing but tracksuits.

Penny: What did you tell them?
Leonard: Nothing bad, just that last night was fine.
Penny: Fine? You said it was fine?
Leonard: Yeah, it's a perfectly good word. You put it in front of wine or dining, and you've really got something.

Raj: I got to find a date. I don't want to be that sad single friend that everyone looks at with pity.
Leonard: Uh, I'm-I'm afraid that ship may have sailed.

Sheldon: Leonard, you have a brother, right?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Is he the worst? Is he an unspeakable abomination? Does the very thought of him make your skin crawl?
Leonard: Well, he laughs at his own jokes, but otherwise he's okay.

Leonard: [on the plane with Sheldon to Texas] I kept saying no. H-H-How am I here?

Leonard: Oh, excuse me. Uh, we're looking for a Georgie Cooper.
Margaret: One second, I'll check to see if the doctor's in.
Sheldon: He is not a doctor. (scoffs) There's only one doctor here and it's me.
Leonard: I'm also a doctor.
Sheldon: Do you want to wait in the car?
Leonard: I wanted to wait in California.

Georgie: What do you want, Sheldon?
Sheldon: Why aren't you returning my phone calls?
Georgie: You're supposed to be the smart one; you figure it out.
Leonard: He's not that kind of smart. You might want to give him a hint.