Sheldon: Well, they were no help at all.
Leonard: Which is crazy, since rock and roll is all about good customer service.

Penny: Can you please go talk to him?
Leonard: Come on, I take care of him all day long. You do it for once.
Penny: Once? Who got the gum out of his hair?
Leonard: What do you want, a medal? It was your gum.

Leonard: It'll be fine. People have kids every day. You'll figure this out.
Raj: Yeah, come on, this is great news and you know it.
Howard: You're right, it is, I'm just a little overwhelmed right now.
Leonard: Hey, you know what we should do?
Sheldon: All get vasectomies so this doesn't happen to us?
Leonard: Go out and celebrate. But not your worst idea.

Sheldon: This place is terrific. Why have we never been here before?
Leonard: The same reason we don't do a lot of fun stuff - you.

Sheldon: Where's the bathroom?
Raj: Uh, it's in the corner.
Sheldon: Excuse me.
(To strangers at another table)
Hey, how you doin'?
Raj: I hope the bathroom is clearly marked.
Leonard: Doesn't matter. He's headed for the kitchen anyway.

Sheldon: I have to say, I slept splendidly. Granted, not long, but just deeply and well.
Leonard: I'm not surprised. A well known folk cure for insomnia is to break into your neighbor's apartment and clean.
Sheldon: Sarcasm?
Leonard: You think?

Leonard: Thanks for closed captioning my pain, Raj.

Leonard: Okay, Sheldon, I understand that youre going through a bit of a career crisis, you're searching for some other area where you can feel valuable and productive but I need to tell you something and I want you to listen carefully.
Sheldon: All right.
Leonard: Go away!

Sheldon: Oh Lord, this can't be more humiliating.
Leonard: No, no, no, give him a minute.

(Sheldon repeatedly knocking and saying Leonard's name)
Leonard: Ugh, this would be so much easier if I were a violent sociopath!

Amy: Is he always like this when he loses?
Sheldon: Oh, yes. You should have been here for the great Jenga tantrum of 2008.
Leonard: You bumped the table and you know it.

Leonard: You may be from Texas, but I'm from New Jersey.

Leonard: No, absolutely not.
Sheldon: It's not a big deal.We have latex gloves.
Leonard: I don't care what the symptoms are. My girlfriend is not going to give you a prostate exam.

Leonard: Cinnamon, guess who just did it "human-style".

Leonard: I wonder if that's why I have such a dysfunctional relationship with Sheldon. I had a dream the other night that I was in a cave, and I was nursing a baby. But the baby had Sheldon's head on it.
Mandy: And your wife is worried about me?