Mary: I made chicken. I hope it's not one of the animals that you people think is magic.

Mary Cooper: Ugh? The bible is ugh to you?
Beverly Hofstadter: No, I'm sorry. That was inappropriate. As a psychiatrist, I know how important people's superstitions can be to them.
Mary Cooper: You want to talk about superstitions. Sheldon sent me all those books you wrote. All that nonsense about super egos and IDs. What bull dropped that on the barn floor?

Leonard: He sounds like a wise man.
Mary Cooper: Oh, not that wise. He once tried to fight a bobcat for some licorice.

Mary Cooper: Now, after a moment of silent meditation, I'm going to end with "In Jesus name". Now you two, don't feel under any obligation to join in. Unless, of course, the Holy Spirit moves you.

Mary Cooper: I am so happy for you two, but I'm not surprised. I've been praying for this.
Sheldon: Well, God had nothing to do with it. It happened because I was kissing another woman, and it made me realize I wanted to be with Amy.
Mary Cooper: More than one woman was interested in you? I might have prayed a little too hard.

Mary Cooper: I know the answer. You're not gonna like it.
Beverly Hofstadter: Try me.
Mary Cooper: When I was pregnant with Shelly, I was driving to church. And I was praying to the Lord to give me a son smarter than his dumb-ass daddy. And I looked over and I saw a Jesus bobblehead in the Subaru next to me, nodding yes.

Mary Cooper: All right, everyone, calm down. Let's all remember what it says in the Bible: "He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty."
Beverly Hofstadter: Oh, dear woman, can you please read another book?
Mary Cooper: When God writes one, I will.

Sheldon: I should let you know the world has changed since you were a young woman. It's not all sock hops, soda jerks and segregation any more.
Mary: How old do you think I am?

Mary Cooper: If you recall, when you were little we sat right here at this very spot and talked about some of the problems you had getting along with the neighbor kids.
Sheldon: That was different. They were threatened by my intelligence and too stupid to know that's why they hated me.
Mary Cooper: Oh, baby. They knew very well why they hated you.

Mary Cooper: There's no alcohol in this household. Stop talking like that. And lose the hat.

Mary Cooper: You have to take your time with Sheldon. His father, God rest his soul, always used to say to me "Mary, you have to take your time with Sheldon."

Mary Cooper: Everybody grab a plate and a pretty place-mat that Shelly wove.

Penny: Well what happened?
Mary Cooper: The poor boy had a fit. Locked himself in his room and built a sonic death ray.
Leonard: A death ray?
Mary Cooper: Well, that's what he called it. It didn't even slow down the neighbor kids. It pissed our dog off to no end.

Leonard: No, she's real.
Mary Cooper: Did they sin?

Mary Cooper: Well, well. That's a powerful smell.