Penny: Hey, you guys ready to order or do you need a few minutes?
Leonard: *mumbles*
Penny: Few minutes it is.

Leonard: It's hard sometimes. Everywhere you go, guys hit on you, even if I'm standing right there. And they're all taller than me. Why is everyone taller than me? You know what, this is all in my head. It's my problem, not yours.
Penny: Leonard, why do you always do this? Listen to me, you're the one I'm with. You know I love you. So will you please relax, because you're driving me crazy.
Leonard: You know that's the first time you ever said you love me.
Penny: Yeah.
Leonard: We're just supposed to pretend it's not a big deal?
Penny: That's exactly what we're gonna do, because you're about to make me cry. And we both know if I start crying, you're gonna start crying.
Leonard: You're right, I should go.

Penny: Sheldon, can I come in?
Sheldon: How do you know I'm not using the facilities?
Penny: Because you e-mail me your bathroom schedule once a week, even though I've clicked unsubscribe, like, a thousand times.

Sheldon: She's still not answering.
Leonard: My father's not texting me back.
Penny: 'cause they both turned their phones off.
Sheldon: I don't like this at all.
Leonard: I don't like it either.
Penny: Really? 'cause I love it.

Leonard: If you want help, just hire a grad student.
Penny: Maybe I could do it.
Sheldon: You, really? You can assess the quality of my work? Okay, um, here. I wrote this when I was five years old.
Penny: A proof that algebraic topology can never have a non self-contradictory set of abelion groups. Im just a blond monkey to you, aren't I?
Sheldon: You said it, not me.

Penny: I think we'll pass.
Howard: Oh, is the Mrs speaking for the couple now?
Leonard: In this case, you bet she is.

Sheldon: Please don't take my looking forward to Leonard coming home as criticism of you in his absence. That criticism will come later in your report card.
Penny: Yeah, I didn't stay for the detention. I'm not going to read the report card.

Sheldon: But none of you know what this is like. Being celebrated for something you wish you never did.
Penny: You clearly haven't been with me at Mardi Gras.

Leonard: Were you seeing other men?
Penny: No.
Leonard: Aren't you going to ask me?
Penny: Come on, really?

Penny: I don't know if I wanna cook for him. He's kind of a picky eater. "It's too salty. It's too dry. It's too burnt and frozen at the same time."

Penny: I love where you skip over the part where no one asks.

Penny: Oh, I didn’t tell you? You’re banished from the Cheesecake Factory.
Sheldon: Why?
Penny: Well, you have three strikes. One, coming in. Two, sitting down. And three, I don’t like your attitude.

Penny: Oh, it's not so bad. You lost money, you're filled with shame, and you got groped by a stranger. That's Vegas. You nailed it.

Penny: Awkward silence, Sheldon on his phone, no touching; somebody's having date night.

Penny: You know, not a lot of people know this. But the monoamine oxidase enzyme was discovered by a woman, Mary Bernheim.
*Amy and Bernadette look puzzled by Penny's knowledge*
Penny: That's right, my phone is just as smart as you guys!