Penny: I don't care about Alex. Fine, I care. Okay, I hate that bitch. But what really hurt is that you liked it so much. I mean, do I need to be worried?
Leonard: Of course not. No. Why?
Penny: Because, she is pretty and smart, and when you talk about work, she doesn't have to go home and look up words in the dictionary to understand what you said.

Leonard: Come here. Tell you a secret?
Penny: What's that?
Leonard: With all these women chasing me, I kind of do feel like Captain Kirk.
Penny: Can I tell you a secret?
Leonard: Sure.
Penny: Keep talking about Captain Kirk, and we're all gonna stop.
Leonard: (impersonating William Shatner) Message received.

Penny: Okay, now holding sides of hearth in position, lower mantelpiece assembly onto top tabs.
Leonard: Look at that! I built a fireplace with my own two hands.
Penny: You're so butch.
Leonard: Aw, I got a little paper cut.
Penny: Of course you did. Your hands are softer than veal.

Raj: Can we get another bottle of champagne for the table? Don't worry. It's my treat.
Amy: Thanks.
Penny: Wow, you should come to girls' night more often. And not just because if you weren't here, this would be a can of Pabst.

Leonard: I'm no expert, but I think the hook has to go through the worm.
Howard: Fine. Sorry, Mr. Worm. Sherm. Sherm the Worm.
Penny: Hey, don't name him. Just jab a hook in his face.

Penny: Step one, worms.
Howard: Ew!
Penny: Okay, right there, "ew" is one of the things you're not gonna want to say in front of your father-in-law. It's right up there with icky and get it away. Now pick one up.
Howard: Really?
Penny: You're gonna have to do it when you're fishing.
Howard: Okay.
Penny: What are you waiting for?
Howard: I don't know, for them to die of natural causes.
Penny: Just pick up a worm and put him on this hook.

Penny: You know, I remember my first bikini wax. My sister did it with duct tape and melted Crayolas. To this day, I can't look at a box of crayons without crossing my legs.

Amy: I guess this is what we get for being with two testosterone-fueled alpha males. At some point, they're bound to lock horns.
Penny: I'm assuming these are some kind of horns they bought at Comic-Con?

Bernadette: More coffee?
Penny: No, Leonard's taking me to a physics lecture, and coffee'll just keep me awake.

Penny: Get away from me or I swear to God I will rip out what's left of your pubes!

Penny: Hey! Shouldn't you be out with your gang spray painting equations on the sides of buildings?

Penny: Look, he just moved here from London, okay? He doesn't really know anybody.
Leonard: Oh, good, an English accent, the sexiest accent you can have.
Penny: No, that's not true. There's French, there's Italian. No, you're right, it's the best.

Penny: Hey, shouldn't you be out with your gang, spray painting equations on the side of buildings?
Leonard: Come on, I'm sorry.

Leonard: It's hard sometimes. Everywhere you go, guys hit on you, even if I'm standing right there. And they're all taller than me. Why is everyone taller than me? You know what, this is all in my head. It's my problem, not yours.
Penny: Leonard, why do you always do this? Listen to me, you're the one I'm with. You know I love you. So will you please relax, because you're driving me crazy.
Leonard: You know that's the first time you ever said you love me.
Penny: Yeah.
Leonard: We're just supposed to pretend it's not a big deal?
Penny: That's exactly what we're gonna do, because you're about to make me cry. And we both know if I start crying, you're gonna start crying.
Leonard: You're right, I should go.

Penny: Hey, sorry this took so long. But you used to work here, you know how it is.
Bernadette: Kitchen slammed again?
Penny: No, I'm a terrible waitress, remember?