Beverly Hofstadter: His name is Sigmund Freud.
Penny: Hey! Look at that. You both believe in Jewish bearded guys.
Mary Cooper: Stay out of this.
Penny: Uh-huh.

Penny: You know, your mom's never been too thrilled with our relationship. Maybe I should get her something so she warms up to me.
Leonard: If you could run out and get a PhD, that might make her like you.
Penny: Really? It didn't work for you.

Penny: Oh, hello. Hi. I didn't know he was going to point it at me, so don't do drugs and stay in school.
Leonard: They're graduating.
Penny: Okay, bye!

Penny: You're gonna be on Skype. They're not gonna see your legs.
Leonard: Well, I'm gonna go put on some pants just in case. But, I have to say, this is very freeing.
Penny: Add a belt and I'll take you some place nice.

Leonard: How'd you get ready so fast?
Penny: Oh, I packed light. Once I got through an entire spring break with nothing but a long T-shirt and a belt.
Leonard: Why'd you need a belt?
Penny: It's called an evening look.

Leonard: Okay, we should leave in about an hour. You all packed?
Penny: Uh, yeah, I just need to throw in a few last-minute things. You know, makeup, underwear, clothes.

Amy: I can't believe you got up and walked out of an audition for a big movie.
Penny: I did. I mean, I walked in, read for the part, then stunk up the place, but then I walked right out.

Penny: I mean, the whole experience reminded me about how much I hated about that world. You-you know, the anxiety, the depression, the negativity. I don't want to feel those things. I want to sell drugs to people who feel those things.

Penny: *thinking* Okay, it's just an audition. Why am I nervous? Maybe it's a good thing. Just means I want it. And I can have it. This feels right. Why did I ever give this up? *opens door and sees room packed with women reading scripts* *speaking quietly* I'm starting to remember.

Penny: Oh, sweetie, you should really get some money.

Wil Wheaton: Hello, caller, you are on with Penny and Wil from Serial Ape-ist 2.
Woman on phone: I don't have a question. I just want to say I'm a big fan of the movie. I've seen it, like, ten times.
Penny: Okay, well, I'll apologize for the first time, but the other nine are on you.

Penny: I think I started to suspect it was a bad movie when I looked at the script and saw the title, "Serial Ape-ist 2: Monkey See, Monkey Kill".
Wil Wheaton: Uh, spoiler alert. After the monkey sees, it kills.

Penny: Bernadette, for every episode of Doctor Who Leonard has made me sit through, I will play on your behalf and send that TARDIS back to Gallifrey, where I hate that I know it belongs.

Amy: Ooh, you just chose champions. It's like we're re-enacting the ancient German practice of trial by combat.
Penny: It's also like when the Mountain fought the Red Viper in Game of Thrones.
Bernadette: Leonard makes you watch that, too?
Penny: No, I like that show. It's got dragons and people doing it.

Penny: We had one of these growing up. I used to play all the time.
Raj: Oh yeah, I loved ping pong.
Penny: Oh, I meant beer pong.