Penny: You know what? Let's get out of here.
Amy: Where are we going?
Penny: Somewhere where no one's seen me naked. We may have to drive awhile.

Penny: You know, I don't even know what the point of me staying in L.A. is. I haven't gotten a single acting job since I moved out here. The closest I came was last month, I got a callback for a hemorrhoid commercial.
Amy: Oh, I could so see you being the face of hemorrhoids.
Penny: I know, right?

Raj: Well, uh, as your friend, you might like to know that, um, we didn't have sex in the conventional sense.
Penny: Oh, God. Did you pull some weird Indian crap on me?

Penny: Well, I already talked to Raj, but I wanted to apologize to the rest of you for, you know, everything.
Raj: Please, Penny, let me. We've decided to let our crazy, wonderful night together be just one of those memories you have and can call to mind when you're feeling blue or you're in the shower. (places a hand on Penny's shoulder)
Penny: Hey, what you doing, Quick Draw?
Raj: Sorry. Go on.

Penny: Step one, worms.
Howard: Ew!
Penny: Okay, right there, "ew" is one of the things you're not gonna want to say in front of your father-in-law. It's right up there with icky and get it away. Now pick one up.
Howard: Really?
Penny: You're gonna have to do it when you're fishing.
Howard: Okay.
Penny: What are you waiting for?
Howard: I don't know, for them to die of natural causes.
Penny: Just pick up a worm and put him on this hook.

Penny: So, who is she?
Leonard: Oh, she's a doctor.
Penny: Oh, nice. A doctor doctor, or a you kind of doctor?
Leonard: Doctor doctor. Surgical resident. Smart, pretty. Let me ask you something. If your friend thinks he's dating someone, but he's not because, in fact, you're dating her, does that make you a bad person?
Penny: Well, that depends.
Leonard: On what?
Penny: Is that friend Wolowitz?
Leonard: Yeah.
Penny: Screw him. You're fine.

Leonard: Are you sure?
Penny: Well, have you slept with her yet? ... You dog! Good for you.
Leonard: Does that change things?
Penny: No.
Leonard: So why'd you ask?
Penny: I'm nosy. See ya.

Penny: All right, five. One, two, three, four, five. Oh, wow, look at that, my Department of Defense research grant is renewed.
Sheldon: Oh! Great roll! Now you can demolish your Soviet-style cyclotron and build the large Hadron Collider.
Penny: Yay.

Penny: You know, how about we buy you this robot, and then we all go home?
Sheldon: I want that one.
Penny: Okay, you can have that one.
Leonard: Oh, come on, he's just going to play with it twice, and then it'll end up in his closet with all the other junk.
Penny: Buy him the robot, Leonard.
Sheldon: Can I get this comic book, too?
Penny: Yes, you can.

Leonard: Oh, hey. You work the lunch shift?
Penny: Yeah. I've got eight pounds of salmon that's about to go bad. Do you know how to cook it?
Leonard: Not really.
Penny: Damn it. Should have liberated the iffy chicken.

Penny: Oh, hey, if we hurry, we can make the new Jennifer Aniston movie.
Leonard: Oh, yeah, sure. There's also an amazing documentary about building a dam on river in South America.
Penny: Okay, but the Jennifer Aniston movie has Jennifer Aniston, and she's not building a dam.

Leonard: Does this sound familiar? I'd love to go shoe shopping with you. Hiking? It's great. It's two a.m., of course I want to go to Korea Town and sing karaoke with your friends. Who wouldn't?
Penny: Okay, we were going out. You were going to get sex anyway.
Leonard: Really? You would have slept with me after a three-hour documentary on dams?
Penny: No. No woman would.

Leonard: Come on, you enjoyed the movie. I saw you tearing up when the village got flooded, and everyone had to relocate.
Penny: No, I was thinking how come they get to leave and I can't.

Leonard: You're going out of your way to talk to that guy because I said we weren't on a date.
Penny: No, I'm talking to him because hes cute.
Leonard: Come on, he's not that cute.
Penny: Yes, he is. With his dorky T-shirt and his little hipster glasses.
Leonard: I wear dorky T-shirts and glasses.
Penny: Yes, but when you're tall and have great cheekbones, you're doing it ironically.

Leonard: Okay. So, we went out, saw a movie, met some nice people, said horrible things about each other in public, all in all, a pretty magical night.
Penny: Okay, I'm not innocent in all this, but you basically called me stupid, you asthmatic dumb ass.