Sheldon: If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
Penny: Well, not to steal from the bible, but turning water into wine sounds pretty good.

Penny: Come on, we are not old, boring people. We can do better than this.
Leonard: That's true. How late did we stay up last night?
Penny: Almost 1 am.
Leonard: Damn straight almost 1 am. And we weren't even watching TV, we were watching Netflix like the kids do.
Penny: Yeah. Is it a comedy, is it a drama? Nobody knows!

Leonard: It seems a shame to throw it away.
Penny: Yeah. We could give it to Sheldon and tell him William Shatner painted it.
Leonard: God, I love you. I love you so much.

Bernadette: Yeah, it's your third date, maybe you could go more sexy.
Amy: Well, some people think the sexiest organ is the brain.
Penny: No one ever bought me drinks at a bar because my brain just popped out of my shirt.

Penny: Oh, my God, he won't stop.
Leonard: How does he keep coming up with new ways to be annoying?
Penny: Nobody knows. That's why he's number one.

Leonard: I love you.
Penny: Who cares?

Sheldon: I know why the song was in my head.
Penny: Why?
Sheldon: It's about Amy.
Penny: Okay, look, I know Amy's like an old lady, but she's not old enough to have a song from the '60s written about her.

Penny: And in double-blind studies, Placinex proved extremely effective in treating all kinds of anxiety. Actually, funny story. The boys in the lab were worried about getting FDA approval for Placinex; they started taking it, stopped worrying.

Penny: Oh, that's a Venn Diagram, and I remember because I thought to myself, "Venn is he gonna stop talking about this diagram?"

Raj: Don't come to the hospital. We're headed home.
Penny: Oh, that was fast. Did she sneeze the baby out?

Penny: Hey, since when do you do laundry on a Thursday?
Sheldon: Oh, I had an accident at work, I slipped and fell on my soup sack.
Penny: You know, there was a time I would say "What's a soup sack?" But I'm glad we're past that.

Penny: Sheldon, come in.
Sheldon: Thank you. I'd like to make a sandwich, but I'm out of bread.
Penny: There's some in the fridge.
Sheldon: You shouldn't keep your bread in the refrigerator. Staleness is caused by crystallization of the starch molecules, which occurs faster at cool temperatures.
Penny: On Earth, we say thank you.

Penny: Oh, good, your power's out, too.
Leonard: Why is that good?
Penny: Because last month, I sent the electric company a Starbucks gift card, an apology note, and a few snapshots of me in a bra.

Penny: Leonard, I don’t know what to tell you. It was just a hug.
Leonard: Glad we cleared that up.
Penny: Yeah.
Leonard: I guess I'll see you.
Penny: Okay, have a safe trip.
Leonard: Thank you. Bye.
Penny: Okay, bye. [closes door] It means I wish you weren't going.

Wolowitz: According to Alicia's Facebook page, she's hooking up with one of the producers on CSI.
Penny: Dead whore on TV, live one in real life.