Raj Koothrappali Quotes Page 2 of 62

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Quote from the episode The Comet Polarization

Raj: Well, I'm sorry she's upset. But she didn't discover it.
Leonard: Oh, come on, you know she was a part of it. Just add her name to the registration.
Raj: But I already told everyone at work that I did it. My boss was so excited, he started calling me Captain Comet. Which is better than his last nickname for me: Dr. Doughnuts. Because one time I had two doughnuts. And two times I had three doughnuts.

Quote from the episode The Comet Polarization

Raj: You don't understand. Leonard, I need this. My last big discovery was: if you press your upper lip hard enough, you can block a sneeze.
Leonard: I told you that.

Quote from the episode The Comet Polarization

Penny: Look at that! I discovered a comet! Oh!
Raj: What do you mean you discovered it?
Penny: Well, I'm the one who saw it.
Raj: In my telescope that I positioned. All you did was look into it.
Leonard: Well, you both discovered it. You can put both your names on the registration form.
Raj: Actually, we can't.
Leonard: Why not?
Raj: Because when I filled it out, it asked for name of discoverer, and I put "Rajesh Koothrappali" because because that's who I am, and that's what I did.

Quote from the episode The Sibling Realignment

Howard: So, how was your date?
Raj: It was going well until my eye dripped in her latte.

Quote from the episode The Reclusive Potential

Raj: Well, this place is creepy.
Howard: Why?
Raj: Well, did you see his vegetable garden? Heirloom tomatoes in April. Creepy.

Quote from the episode The Reclusive Potential

Doctor Wolcott: Well, um, I don't normally allow strangers into my house.
Raj: But when you do, you-you let them out, right?

Quote from the episode The Closure Alternative

Raj: I do have a pretty balls-to-the-wall moisturizing regimen.

Quote from the episode The Pants Alternative

Raj: These methods of meditation come from the ancient gurus of India, and have helped me overcome my own fears.
Sheldon: And yet, you can't speak to women.
Raj: True, but thanks to it I am able to stay in the same room with them without urinating.

Quote from the episode The Apology Insufficiency

Leonard: Don’t be ridiculous, Raj. You’re here legally.
Raj: Nobody cares. Do you know how long it's been since I got through airport security without being given a colonoscopy?

Quote from the episode The Tenant Disassociation

Raj: Oh, that's plenty to go on. We can't give up. We got to find her.
Bernadette: You just want to find her 'cause she's cute.
Raj: Not just because she's cute. She also owns a pretty expensive drone, which means she has money and doesn't mind wasting it. And I I like that in a woman.

Quote from the episode The Tenant Disassociation

Raj: We should name it.
Howard: The drone, or your stupid robot show?
Raj: The drone. The show's already got a name, General Bot-spital.

Quote from the episode The Tenant Disassociation

Raj: Hey, Howard, look. What's that?
Howard: Huh. Looks like someone's drone.
Raj: Oh, no. Do you think it was spying on us in the hot tub? 'Cause I'm only 40% of the way to my beach bod.

Quote from the episode The Tenant Disassociation

Sheldon: What is happening? Everybody's supposed to be eating Chinese food.
Amy: Well, actually, I believe the Chinese may have invented the sandwich. Their dish "rou jia moâ" literally means "meat between bread." So, it looks like all of us, including Penny, are eating Chinese food.
Raj: Except for you, Sheldon. You're eating crow.

Quote from the episode The Gates Excitation

Howard: So that's fun. You get to meet Bill Gates again.
Leonard: It's not fun, I'm screwed.
Raj: It's fun for us.
Howard: Maybe he won't remember you.
Leonard: I snotted on his tie.
Raj: Yeah, you did, like, a lot.

Quote from the episode The Gates Excitation

Raj: What would you do if you had a billion dollars?
Howard: Same as Bill Gates, try to make the world a better place, but I'd do it in a working Iron Man suit.
Raj: I didn't know that came in a boys' medium.

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