Raj: Boy, I bet Ellen Page's friends aren't giving her this kind of crap!

Raj: Just think of me as a Brown Martha Stewart.

Raj: How do you sleep in these things? Silk pajamas on satin sheets? I slid out of the bed like 3 times.

Howard: Hang on, honey. Shiva and Ganesh? The Hindu Gods against the entire Union army?
Leonard: And Orcs!
Penny: I'll be back.
Raj: Excuse me, Ganesh is the remover of obstacles, and Shiva is the destroyer. When the smoke clears, Abraham Lincoln will be speaking Hindi and drinking mint juleps.

Howard: No, she's right. As long as I've known you, you've always been self-conscious about your cleavage.
Raj: It's because you keep trying to stick pencils in it.

Raj: It's a gravitational wobble. It could be a sign of an extrasolar planet that may contain life and someday be named after me.
Issabella: Oh well, if it has life, maybe it already has a name, huh?
Raj: Yeah, but it's probably difficult to pronounce.
Issabella: What is your name?
Raj: Rajesh Ramayan Koothrappali.
Issabella: You think it would be more difficult than that?
Raj: Good point.

Raj: Uh, no no, uh, definitely not.
Howard: What was wrong with that guy?
Raj: Uh, he's Indian. We've already got one of those.
Ooh, we should find a nice Latino. Really round us out.

Leonard: Did you hear about this study that found people that were cool and popular at 13 have problems succeeding later in life?
Raj: Hmm. I'm doing okay, and I was very popular at 13.
Penny: In school?
Raj: Oh, no. At home. The servants would sing to me, laugh at my jokes. I wish I knew their names.

Bernadette: Hey, Raj. Dad and I were just talking about taking down this wall.
Raj: You sure? It's a pretty great wall.
Mike Rostenkowski: What's so great about it?
Raj: (To Howard) I'm sorry. I did what I could.

Bernadette: Seriously? You brought Raj over to take your side?
Raj: Your dad's on your side.
Bernadette: He's not on my side. He's doing all the work for free.
Raj: That is so generous of you. I'd like to switch sides.

Raj: But anyway why don't we just take a step back and start with a color? Right? There are so many amazing ones. Red, blue, green, purple-
Bernadette: Are you just gonna name all the colors?
Raj: Well, not now.

(Howard and Raj sing while playing the keyboards and guitar, respectively)
Howard: Wondering how it all began?
Raj: You'll need a good attention span-
Howard: For information and entertainment-
Raj: That's equally effective-
Both: It's Fun with Flags - Behind the Flags: A Retrospective. Flags!

Bernadette: Since when do you work on weekends?
Raj: I'm an astrophysicist. The stars don't take a day off.
Penny: You were home alone and had no one to play with?
Raj: Well, the cleaning lady was there, but she doesn't like me.

Howard: Look at Nowitzki over there.
Leonard: I can't believe she tried to steal Sheldon from Amy.
Raj: You know what? I'm gonna go there and tell her that they're engaged now and that her little plan didn't work.
Howard: Because you're sticking up for Sheldon, or because you're still mad she rejected you?
Raj: Too far away, can't hear you.

Raj: Okay. Would you ladies please leave the room for a moment?
Penny: Why?
Raj: I need to rub my genitals on their prototype.
Bernadette: What's going on?
Raj: Leonard and Howard dont have a flat. They went to the movies. Look.
Penny: Un-freakin' believable.
Bernadette: Son of a bitch!