Sheldon: I'm so disappointed in myself. Jealousy is completely illogical.
Raj: It's a human emotion, Sheldon. Everyone gets jealous. I'm jealous of Leonard and Penny and Howard and Bernadette for being in such happy relationships.
Amy: What about me and Sheldon?
Raj: Sure.

Leonard: I've always been jealous of how much money Raj's family has.
Raj: Thank you for saying that. Next to buying things, that is the best part about having money.

Stuart: Hey, Raj.
Raj: Hey, Stuart. What are you doing here?
Stuart: Oh, I'm living here again.
Raj: Do, uh, Howard and Bernadette know? Or is it like a possum in the walls kind of thing?

Howard: Oh, man. This is really happening. You doin' okay?
Bernadette: Here comes another contraction.
Stuart: Let's pick it up!
Raj: All right, hold on. I'm gonna drive like we do in India. (honking the horn) Get out of my way, you syphilitic dogs!
Howard: Stop that! This isn't India.
Raj: Fine. What do one point three billion people know about having babies?

Howard: Sorry, I know you were just trying to help. (To Bernadette) I love you.
Raj: I love you, too. We're good.

Raj: (filming a video for the baby) Okay, little one, here we are back at home because you weren't quite ready to come out yet. You wanted to make an entrance. I get it.

Raj: And here's your daddy. When he tries to tell you he used to be cool, you can see he wasn't.

Howard: All right, enough with the camera.
Raj: Well, this is not for me. This is for the baby. Some day she's gonna want to see this.
Howard: I'm sorry. Who's gonna want to see this?
Raj: I I said "she" but lots of things are she - boats and cars, whales. Like, "thar she blows!"
Stuart: You're doing great.

Raj: This is not how I imagined this day going. I should be with them right now.
Leonard: Well, it is their child.
Raj: I know that. But to be fair, I've spent nine months helping Bernadette get ready for this baby. And Howard spent five minutes conceiving it. And I'm being generous.

Bernadette: Is that Emily your ex-girlfriend?
Raj: Yeah. I'm getting all my exes together in order to discuss why they broke up with me and how I can be a better boyfriend.
Howard: Oh, God. You went through with that? What is wrong with you?
Raj: We are going to find out.

Bernadette: You're not gonna get information, you're just gonna get criticism that hurts your feelings.
Raj: Don't worry, I'm a grown man. I have a thick skin.
Howard: (chuckles) You're so stupid.
Raj: Hey!

Raj: Uh, heads up, both of you are named Emily, so we'll call you "red-headed Emily" and you, "red-headed Emily, Junior."

Claire: Um I'm Claire. And I guess I broke up with you because you were just really needy. Also, you were incredibly vain. Like, all the time you spent shaping your eyebrows-
Raj: Okay, new rule. Everybody only gets one.

Howard: (Interpreting for Emily #1) "I thought you were great, but, oh, my God, you were so dominated by your parents."
Emily #2: Oh, yeah, and that used to drive me nuts. He's kind of a mama's boy.
Claire: Kind of?!
Raj: Whoa, okay! That's enough. (To Howard) Write down "loving son."

Stuart: Okay, instead of arguing all night, let's just split up the baby chores.
Raj: Yeah, great. Um, I'll put food in her top half, you deal with whatever comes out the bottom.