Raj: I mean, if I were hitting on you, you’d know it 'cause you'd feel uncomfortable and a little sad for me.

Raj: If you like dry, factual statement interspersed with awkward silence, it was bananas.

Raj: Who died and made you the king of moments?

Raj: I think you'd be pleased to hear that this morning in the parking garage I saw this oil stain on the ground that was shaped just like my ex-girlfriend, Lucy, and I didn't get upset at all.
Howard: I'm proud of you.
Raj: Well, you should be, 'cause she was looking good.

Howard: Check it out. Mrs. Davis from Human Resources is here. She's probably on the lookout for sexual harassment.
Raj: Oh, great. There go my chances of being sexually harassed.

Raj: I'd like to apologize for being insensitive. And for possibly making penguins seem like jerks, because 99% of them are stand-up guys.

Howard: Okay, fine. Let's say there was a moment.
Raj: There was.
Howard: There wasn't. But even if there was, what are you gonna do about it?
Raj: I will slowly seduce her until she falls helpless into my bed, hungry for the pleasure only I can give her.
Howard: So nothing.
Raj: No, not a thing.

Raj: I'm unlovable.
Penny: It's just the booze talking.
Raj: I haven't had a drink since last night.
Penny: You're talking to me!
Raj: I am! Now I'm crying for a whole different reason.
Penny: Me too.

Raj: If you wear something brown and sit on the couch, they won't even know you're there.

Raj: So, anyway, last night on video chat, I spent like twenty minutes just staring into Lucy's eyes.
Leonard: Oh, that sounds romantic.
Raj: It was, until I realized the screen had frozen. Still one of my top three dates of all time.

Raj: If you look carefully at Venus, you should be able to see the International Space Station pass by.
Lucy: Wow. Your friend was actually up there?
Raj: Yeah. He brought me back a T-shirt that said "My Friend Went to the Space Station and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt".
Lucy: Did he take the T-shirt to space?
Raj: Nope. It's exactly as lousy as advertised.

Amy: Ignore him. He's a little nervous 'cause he doesn't think I understand the severity of your social anxiety.
Raj: What the? Are you crazy? You can't talk about social anxiety to someone who has social anxiety. It makes them socially anxious!

Raj: I like you a lot, and that's scary for me. Mostly because you're a proven flight risk.

Raj: I'm actually glad Lucy had to work tonight. Saved me the awkward conversation about how I was hanging with my bros.
Howard: Isn't every conversation you two have awkward?
Raj: Painfully so. We have this rule that if no one talks for three minutes, we can just hang up. So into her.

Raj: Oh, Lucy's free after all. See ya.
Leonard: Hey, hey, hey. You can't leave. We just started.
Raj: You're right, I should finish the game. I take my plus-one long sword, stab myself in the face with it. I'm dead. I've got a date with a girl. Bye.