Raj: Come on, dude, I'm exhausted and Tyra Banks says the most important item in your makeup bag is a good night's sleep.

Penny: What do you mean new roommate? What happened to Leonard?
Sheldon: The same thing that happened to Homo Erectus. He was replaced by a superior species.
Raj: I'm the new homo in town.

Raj: Well, uh, to paraphrase Shakespeare, "It's better to have loved and lost than to stay home every night and download increasingly shameful pornography."

Raj: Just think of me as a Brown Martha Stewart.

Howard: Hell hound.
Raj: Who let the satanic dogs out?

Raj: Rotting Zombie. Sheldon's new Facebook picture.

Raj: Sheldon, that's my water.
Sheldon: Oh, dear Lord!
Leonard: That's not your water.
Raj: I know.

Raj: Hey! That's my sister and my country you're talking about. Leonard may have defiled one, but I won't have you talking smack about the other.

Sheldon: Fire demon.
Raj: Ooh, fire demon. Sheldon's turning up the heat.
Howard: Troll master.
Raj: Check it! Howard pulls one out from under the bridge. Nice!
Leonard: Water nymph.
Raj: Oh, yeah, she's got puddles in all the right places.
Sheldon: Could you please play the game without commenting on every card?
Raj: Sorry. Walking tree.
Sheldon: Last one.
Raj: I'm taking a stroll and I'm sporting wood.

Leonard: Every once in a while, before we'd go to bed, I'd put on a little show for her.
Raj: What do you mean, a show?
Leonard: Well, you know, the way I took my clothes off.
Raj: Like, to music?
Leonard: I'd look pretty stupid if there was no music.
Raj: So you'd do a striptease?
Leonard: I wasn't swinging around a pole.
Raj: Good, good.
Leonard: There was one time I put body glitter on.
Raj: Well, I don't think you have to worry about Penny telling my sister that.
Leonard: No, she wouldn't.
Raj: Your big problem is me telling her.
Leonard: You really are a mean little man.

Raj: She didn't even get to see my penis.

Sheldon: Red is angry, yellow is frightened, green is jealous and blue is depressed. Perhaps we can assign a color to lonely.
Raj: Nothing rhymes with orange. Its probably lonely.
Sheldon: All right. Come in. You look positively orange with loneliness. No, I dont see that catching on at all.

Leonard: Hi. Hey, Raj, will you be joining us for dinner?
Raj: The lonely guy and the two happy couples? I'd rather get a prostate exam from a leper who walks away with nine fingers.

Priya: Oh, would you please stop feeling sorry for yourself?
Raj: I have to feel sorry for myself. I'm the only one who cares. Just like I'm the only one who'll have sex with me.
Leonard: Really? In front of your sister?
Priya: We shared a room growing up. This is not news to me.

Raj: Mmm, Greek food on pizza night? This is the most delightfully cruel thing we've done to Sheldon since we left that fake message from Stephen Hawking on his voice mail.