Raj: You think your thoughts are pure gold, but let me tell you something they are pure caca.

Raj: So, Saturday night. Can I count on my posse?
Howard: Jeez, I'd love to Raj but I can't make it.
Raj: Ah, okay, Leonard?
Leonard: Oh, ah, oh, I can ... no.
Raj: Sheldon?
Sheldon: I can make it but I won't.

Raj: It's amazing what liquor does to guilt.

Howard: Ok, now, this is an exact duplicate of The Wolowitz Solid Waste Disposal System, as deployed on the International Space Station.
Raj: Don't you mean the Wolowitz Solid Waste Distribution System?

Raj: Well, uh, to paraphrase Shakespeare, "It's better to have loved and lost than to stay home every night and download increasingly shameful pornography."

Penny: What do you mean new roommate? What happened to Leonard?
Sheldon: The same thing that happened to Homo Erectus. He was replaced by a superior species.
Raj: I'm the new homo in town.

Raj: Come on, dude, I'm exhausted and Tyra Banks says the most important item in your makeup bag is a good night's sleep.

Raj: Can I bring girls here?
Leonard: You? Sure. Bring as many as you want.
Raj: Okay, deal.
Leonard: Just not against their will.

Leonard: What are you doing here?
Raj: I was sleeping.
Leonard: In my bed?
Raj: Well, I would have slept in my own bed, but it was being used to bring shame to my family and the memory of Gene Roddenberry.

Raj: Rotting Zombie. Sheldon's new Facebook picture.

Howard: Hell hound.
Raj: Who let the satanic dogs out?

Raj: Come on, dude, bros before ... my sister.

Sheldon: Red is angry, yellow is frightened, green is jealous and blue is depressed. Perhaps we can assign a color to lonely.
Raj: Nothing rhymes with orange. Its probably lonely.
Sheldon: All right. Come in. You look positively orange with loneliness. No, I dont see that catching on at all.

Raj: She didn't even get to see my penis.

Rajesh:So in Avatar, they have sex on Pandora by linking their ponytails. So their ponytails...are like their junk.
Wolowitz:Yeah, so?
Rajesh: Well when they ride the horses and birds they link their ponytails, too.
Wolowitz: What's your point?
Rajesh: My point is, if I were a horse or a bird I'd be really nervous around James Cameron.