Raj: We need a plan. How about Operation Hammer of the Gods?
Leonard: I forget, which one is Hammer of the Gods?
Raj: We hide behind the dumpsters in the parking lot and ambush people when they come to pee.

Howard: Ok, now, this is an exact duplicate of The Wolowitz Solid Waste Disposal System, as deployed on the International Space Station.
Raj: Don't you mean the Wolowitz Solid Waste Distribution System?

Howard: Now we get to see him flip out because he's worried that it was demolished by space ice.
Raj: Space ice is no joke. I can't even watch Frozen any more.

Raj: Well, uh, to paraphrase Shakespeare, "It's better to have loved and lost than to stay home every night and download increasingly shameful pornography."

Sheldon: *Knock Knock Knock* Raj. *Knock Knock Knock* Raj. *Knock Knock Knock* Raj.
*Raj answers the door*
Raj: I'm busy.
Sheldon: Doing what? *Raj does his finger trick again* Okay, you've made your point.

Raj: You heard me, I forbidded it.
Priya: Forbidded it?
Raj: Forbayded it?

Raj: There's also a time to stop eating so many jelly beans. And it's when you're ten!

Leonard: Hey, Sheldon sent us all an email. "Happy Holidays from Texas", and there's pictures. *Looks at his phone* Aww, do not open them. Do not open them!
Penny: Oh come on, childbirth is a natural, beautiful - Urgh, it's like someone sawed a cow in half.
Raj: My father is a gynaecologist, I think I can handle it. *Looks at his phone* And ... now I'm gay.

Raj: I'm not the kind of guy who drops his friends because he's in a relationship.
Leonard: What happens if she doesn't like us?
Raj: Hey, you're my dear friends. You'll get a Christmas card for a couple of years and then you're dead to me.

Customer: I think you made a mistake, I'm not an actor.
Raj: Don't say that. I mean, you're not Dame Judi Dench, but you're pretty great.

Raj: So, where's your roommate tonight?
Emily: Well, I thought it was a little unfair that she's always here and you never get a chance to stay over, so I killed her.
Raj: Remember our agreement. You can joke about killing people, but you have to say "just kidding".

Raj: Enough chit chat. How do we know you are who you say you are?
Josh Why would I lie?
Raj: Okay, you got me there.

Raj: Okay, so, what it sounds like is, what we want is a device that can deliver a message through not only sight, but other senses, as well.
Leonard: The most basic sense that any space-faring civilization would have to possess is touch.
Raj: Ooh. Ooh, ooh! We could make a video-playing device that simultaneously translates the information into a tactile medium.
Leonard: All we have to do is rig up a 3-D communication system!
Raj: We-we can totally do that!
Leonard: I know!
Raj: This is great!
Leonard: Yeah, you know what else it is?
Raj: What?
Leonard: Exactly what Sheldon and Howard said.
Raj: Well, thank you for peeing in my slippers.

Raj: You can't ruin a friendship with sex. That's like ruining ice cream with chocolate sprinkles.

Raj: I'm telling you, Leonard, video slot machines, free drinks brought to us by a bosomy barmaid and all you can eat shrimp for $3.95. Disneyland can suck it. This is the real happiest place on Earth.