Sheldon: I trust Leonard satisfied you sexually last night.
Leonard: Oh good God! Sheldon we don't ask questions like that!
Sheldon: I heard you ask it over and over. How is it inappropriate for me to ask it once?
Stephanie: He did very nicely.
Sheldon: See? She's not offended. And now you finally have an answer.

Sheldon: I got a splinter.
Amy: What do you want me to do about it?
Sheldon: Relationship Agreement - Section 4: Boo-boos and Ouchies. You have to take care of it.
Amy: I should've gotten a lawyer.

Sheldon: Engineering. Where the noble semiskilled laborers execute the vision of those who think and dream. Hello, Oompa-Loompas of science.

Sheldon: This is Leonard. He's your best friend in the world.
Leonard: All right, just stop. This is ridiculous.
Sheldon: Sometimes he gets cranky, but you can trust him with your life. And he does more things for you than I can even begin to list.
Leonard: Thank you.

Mary Cooper: Honey, why did you get a loom?
Sheldon: Well, I was working with luminous fish and I thought, hey, loom.

Sheldon: I recently had a dream that I was a giant. But everything around me was to scale so it all looked normal.
Leonard: Well, how did you know you were a giant if everything was to scale?
Sheldon: I was wearing size a million pants.

Penny: Would it be weird if I used your shower?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Yes.
Leonard: (to Sheldon) No!
Sheldon: No?
Leonard: No!
Sheldon: (to Penny) No.

Sheldon: So, you're saying this is a regulation deck?
Howard: I'm saying believe in magic, you muggle.

Sheldon: You know it just occurred to me, if there are an infinite number of parallel universes, in one of them there's probably a Sheldon who doesn't believe parallel universes exist.
Leonard: Probably. What's your point?
Sheldon: No point. It's just one of those things that makes one of the me's chuckle.

Leonard: How could you just sit there and let them spy on me?
Sheldon: They were very smart. They used my complete lack of interest in what you are doing.

Sheldon: Amy, there was a song I couldn't get out of my head. Eventually, I realized the song was about you, and like that earworm, I can't get you out of my heart. So, what I'm trying to say is, you're my heartworm. The metaphorical kind, not the poodle-killing kind.

Penny: You're unbelievable.
Sheldon: I know.

Sheldon: Well, that's a fine how-do-you-do. (To Amy) Don't just stand there. Take your breasts out.

Sheldon: I thought where you come from they don't have emotions.
Spock Doll: I come from a factory in Taiwan.

Leonard: Sheldon, I promise, your uvula does not have an STD.
Sheldon: Are you sure? It just doesn't feel as innocent as it used to.