Sheldon: Alright, I think we're going to need some ground rules. In addition to the expected no shoes in the time machine and no eating in the time machine, I propose that we add pants must be worn at all times in the time machine.
Leonard: Seconded.
Howard: I was going to put down a towel.

Sheldon: Oh, I have a solution. First go into the future and obtain a cloaking device.
Raj: Ooh, how far into the future?
Sheldon: If I remember correctly, Captain Kirk will steal a cloaking device from the Romulans on Stardate 5027.3, which will be January 10th 2328 by pre-federation reckoning.
Leonard: Okay, I am setting the dials for January 10th, 2328.

Raj: Oh, I call dibs on the Golden Age Flash.
Howard: Hang on, I need that to complete my Justice Society of America collection.
Raj: Too bad, I called dibs.
Howard: Well you can't just call dibs.
Raj: I can and I did. Look up dibs on Wikipedia.
Sheldon: Dibs doesn't apply in a bidding war.

Howard: Mom, my bar-mizvah bonds, how much do I got? Thanks. I can go twenty six hundred dollars and two trees in Israel.
Leonard: Forget it guys. If I sell to one of you, the other two are going to be really mad at me.
Sheldon: Who cares, as long as you pick me.

Leonard: (On the phone) I'm really very busy. Is there any way that we can put this off until I have more time to prepare? ... Of course. But, uh, you understand my trepidation.
Penny: What's that about?
Howard: Not a clue.
Leonard: Can't we just postpone it till the spring? Maybe next summer?
Sheldon: This should be fairly easy to deduce. He's holding the phone to his left ear. Ears do not cross hemispheres, so he's using the analytical rather than the emotional side of the brain, suggesting that he has no personal relationship with the caller.
Leonard: No, I didn't realize it had been so long. Sure, I guess there's no other choice but to just go ahead and do it.
Sheldon: He's referring to an activity he has done before. It's unpleasant and needs to be repeated. This suggests some sort of invasive medical test, like perhaps a colonoscopy.

Sheldon: I have the same problem with him. My theory is that his lack of focus stems from an over-developed sex drive.

Sheldon: What a remarkable woman.
Leonard: Yeah, I thought you guys might hit it off.
Sheldon: I envy you your childhood.
Leonard: I hate to tell you, but the only warm memories I have of my childhood are of my Uncle Floyd.
Sheldon: You're clearly misremembering. Your mother is brilliant, analytical, insightful, and I'm betting she never hit you with a Bible because you wouldn't eat your Brussels sprouts.
Leonard: Sheldon, you don't give your mother enough credit. She's warm, she's loving, she doesn't glue electrodes to your head to measure your brain waves while potty training.
Sheldon: You were lucky. When I was a kid, if I wanted an EEG, I had to attach my own electrodes.

Beverly Hofstadter: Leonard, it's one o'clock, weren't you going to show me your laboratory at one o'clock?
Leonard: There's no hurry, Mother, tell them more about their secret love for each other.
Beverly Hofstadter: But it's one o'clock, you were going to show me your laboratory at one o'clock.
Sheldon: Her reasoning is unassailable. It is one o'clock.

Sheldon: I'd love to see a scan of your brain sometime.
Beverly Hofstadter: Oh, I'll send you a link, but its physiology is fairly unimpressive.
Sheldon: Oh, I can't believe that.
Beverly Hofstadter: Your unwillingness to accept empirical evidence suggests an attempt at flattery.
Sheldon: My apologies. I've been living with your son too long. Gotten into some bad habits.
Beverly Hofstadter: Understandable.

Sheldon: George Smoot is a Nobel Prize-winning physicist, one of the great minds of our time. His work in black body form and anisotropy of the cosmic microwave background radiation cemented our understanding of the origin of the universe.
Penny: It's kind of a funny name, though, Smoot.
Sheldon: It's like talking to a chimp.
Penny: Okay, now that I've been completely insulted, have a good flight.

Leonard: Hey, we're all going over to the Apple store to make fun of the guys at the Genius Bar. You want to come?
Sheldon: Oh, I always enjoy that, but I'm a little busy.
Leonard: What are you doing?
Sheldon: I'm simplifying the task of packing for our trip. See, by attaching RFID tags to my clothing, it will enable my laptop to read and identify the items with this wand. I will then cross-reference them against destination, anticipated activity spectrum, weather conditions, duration of trip, et cetera.
Leonard: Well, that does sound much simpler. How long is this going to take?
Sheldon: Assuming I can keep up this pace, three hours, 11 minutes. Plus however long it takes to conclude this fairly pointless conversation.

Howard: What would Summer Glau be doing riding the train?
Leonard: Maybe John Connor's aboard and shes protecting him from an evil Terminator.
Sheldon: Unlikely. That's a television show, Leonard.
Leonard: Thank you.
Sheldon: Of course, if SkyNet actually did exist in the future, a perfect way to infiltrate and destroy mankind would be to send Terminators back posing as actors who have played Terminators in popular films and television series, lulling us into a false sense of security, i.e., that's Summer Glau from The Sarah Connor Chronicles. No, Summer, don't kill me! I'm pro-robot! Argh!

Raj: Sheldon, is there a place on this train to get alcohol?
Sheldon: Interesting that you ask. The Coast Starlight recently added the refurbished Pacific Parlour Car. Built in 1956 and originally known as the Santa Fe Lounge Car, the lower level is a theater-
Raj: Yeah-yeah, which way?
Sheldon: --and the upper level is a bar that offers wine tastings if you're going as far as Portland.

Sheldon: Oh, no.
Leonard: What's the matter?
Sheldon: I forgot my flash drive.
Leonard: So?
Sheldon: So we have to go back.
Leonard: Okay, Sheldon, I'm going to say why and your answer cannot be because I forgot my flash drive.
Sheldon: You don't understand. My flash drive has my paper on astrophysical probes of M-theory effects in the early universe that I was going to give to George Smoot at the conference.
Leonard: Why do you have to give your paper to George Smoot?
Sheldon: It's brilliant. He needs to read it.

Leonard: So you'll send him an e-mail when we get back.
Sheldon: Then I won't get to see his face light up as he reads it.