Leonard: I'm bleeding!
Sheldon: Like a gladiator.

Sheldon: Alright, Klingons, pencils down.

Penny: This has gotten way out of hand, okay. I've done some stupid things, you've done some stupid things. How about we just call it even, and move on with our lives?
Sheldon: I've done no stupid things.
Penny: Look, you've gotta meet me halfway here.
Sheldon: I am meeting you halfway. I'm willing to concede that you've done some stupid things.

Sheldon: If you fail at this relationship, and history suggests you will, then we risk losing the medical officer that our landing party has always needed.
Leonard: What landing party?
Sheldon: You're Kirk, I'm Spock, Wolowitz is Scotty, Koothrappali is the guy who always gets killed. And now we've got McCoy.

Sheldon: Hi, Mom, how are you?But, Mom, she keeps sitting in my spot. And she touched my food. Okay, yes, I took her clothes, but she started it. (throwing a fit) No, that's not fair. Why should I have to apologize? I really don't think this is the kind of thing Jesus concerns himself with. No, you're right. I don't really know what Jesus thinks about. All right! Goodbye. (hangs up) (to Leonard) Did you tell on me?
Leonard: Are you kidding me? I already have 2 strikes

Sheldon: What's your favorite fruit?
Stephanie: Strawberries.
Sheldon: Mmm, technically not a fruit, but all right.

Sheldon: Well, this is very pleasant.
Leonard: I'm glad you're enjoying yourself.
Sheldon: And you said there would never be enough pasta for the three of us.

Sheldon: I spent so much of my childhood at that hospital. When I was 12, I got to ride there in a helicopter.
Stephanie: What? What happened?
Sheldon: Radiation burns. A little mishap while I was building my own CAT scanner.
Stephanie: I'm sorry, you tried to build your own CAT scanner?
Sheldon: No, I didn't try, I succeeded.

Sheldon: Hummingbirds are the vampires of the flower world.

Sheldon: (Running from the angry mob) Why is there never a pontoon plane when you need one?

Sheldon: Listen to what Mr. Wil Wheaton is tweeting: "Best seats in house for Raiders screening. Suck on that, Sheldon Cooper."
Leonard: Why do you read his Twitter feed? You know it's gonna upset you.
Sheldon: I believe in knowing my enemy, Leonard. Had Twitter existed at the time, would not General Custer have followed the tweets of Sitting Bull? Would not Lee have followed Grant? Would not Spy have followed Spy?

Sheldon: May I point out to you all that the screening is first come, first served?
Leonard: Relax, it's 5:00. The movie doesn't start till midnight.
Sheldon: Another way of saying that is: the movie starts at midnight and it's already 5:00. Let's go.

Sheldon:(typing) Hit troll with axe! Hit troll with axe! Hit troll with axe! Oh, my, this is one tough troll.

Sheldon: I always tell people, if you have only one day in Los Angeles, make it a train day.
Raj: "Train Day?"
Sheldon: The fun starts with brunch at Carney's in Studio City, a hot dog stand in a converted railroad dining car. Next stop, Travel Town, an outdoor museum featuring 43 railroad engines, cars, and other rolling stock from the 1880s to the 1930s. Then finally, we're off to the glitz and glamour of Hollywood, for dinner at, that's right, the Hollywood Carney's, a hot dog stand in a different converted railroad dining car.
Raj: I don't think we're gonna do that.
Sheldon: Well, then apparently, you hate fun.

Sheldon: You're my 15th favorite technological visionary.
Steve Wozniak: Only 15th?
Sheldon: It's still six spots above Steve Jobs.