Amy: Do you feel bad you told Wil Wheaton that you'd be his enemy if he did this show?
Sheldon: No. I feel bad I'm engaged to somebody that would point that out.

Wil Wheaton: [on TV] Oh, I wonder who that could be.
Sheldon: Just when I thought this couldn't get any better, Wil has introduced suspense into the show.
Wil Wheaton: [on TV] Hey, it's real NASA astronaut, Howard Wolowitz!
Sheldon: (loudly) What?!

Wil Wheaton: I want to have more female scientists represented on the show, and I thought maybe Amy might be interested?
Sheldon: Or wouldn't it be nice to have us both on, to show that even female scientists can land a man?
Howard: I said sorry.

Amy: Are you sure that's the move you want to make?
Sheldon: Absolutely.
Amy: Okay. Checkmate.
Sheldon: Oh, I did not see that coming. That's well played, Amy.
Amy: What's going on?
Sheldon: You beat me, and I am responding with humility and admiration. What does it look like?
Amy: You let me win so you could show me how emotionally mature you are, didn't you?
Sheldon: Well, I couldn't wait for you to actually beat me; that would take forever.

Sheldon: What are you doing?
Leonard: Oh, uh, Priya's calling in a few minutes on Skype, and we are gonna have a dinner date.
Sheldon: It’s eight o'clock in the morning in Mumbai. How can she have dinner?
Leonard: Fine, whatever. Priya will be having breakfast.
Sheldon: All right, so technically it's not a dinner date. I suppose you could call it a, uh, dinfast date. But if you did, you'd open yourself to peer-based mocking, such as, "Hey, Leonard, how was your dinfast with Priya last night?"
Leonard: That doesn't sound like mocking.
Sheldon: You didn't let me finish. Dinfast (rolls eyes).

Sheldon: Are those soy-based candles?
Leonard: I don't know. Why?
Sheldon: Paraffin candles may contain carcinogens. Unless lung cancer is the ambiance you were going for at your dinfast. Dinfast (rolls eyes).

Leonard: Listen, I don't want to be rude, but Priya's gonna be calling any minute, so...
Sheldon: Oh, yes, Priya. Leonard, you know I make a point of never interfering in your personal affairs.
Leonard: Yes, I've always admired that about you.
Sheldon: As well you should. But I'm going to make an exception here.
Leonard: Oh, good.
Sheldon: Priya has moved back to India to pursue her law career. Instead of desperately trying to keep this intercontinental relationship alive, you could use that time to take up a hobby.
Leonard: A hobby?
Sheldon: Yes. I read recently about a fellow in Kansas with an enormous ball of twine. I bet you could give him a run for his money.

Leonard: You video-chat with Amy all the time. How is this different?
Sheldon: Don't you like Amy?
Leonard: Of course I like Amy.
Sheldon: Well, there's the difference.

Sheldon: Thanks for letting me stay here while Leonard Skypes with his girlfriend.
Penny: Oh, it's no problem. It's actually kind of nice. You reading, me reading. We're like an old married couple.
Sheldon: If we were an old married couple, the wife would serve iced tea and snickerdoodles.
Penny: I don't have iced tea and snickerdoodles.
Sheldon: A good wife would go to the store.
Penny: I want a divorce.
Sheldon: Good. On the way to see the lawyer, pick up some tea and cookies.

Sheldon: I must say, I am enjoying your new chair.
Penny: It's great, isn't it?
Sheldon: It is. Aligns the lumbar, cradles the coccyx, balances the buttocks. This is a chair worthy of the name.
Penny: What name?
Sheldon: Chair.

Sheldon: You need to remove that chair from the building. It’s a health hazard.
Penny: Okay, relax. I took off the slipcovers, had them dry-cleaned and then fumigated the cushions.
Sheldon: Really?
Penny: Yeah. It's cleaner than my couch. Found half a Hot Pocket in there.
Sheldon: It certainly looks okay. Has a strong toxic chemical smell. That's reassuring.

Sheldon: Under my authority as a self-appointed member of the Centers for Disease Control street team, these premises are condemned. (Penny tries to close the door) As a man with a keen sense of style, I must tell you, that chair does not work with the room.

Sheldon: I was hoping she might listen to you about the dangers of owning unhygienic furniture.
Amy: For general educational purposes, or has she acquired a bar stool dipped in cholera?
Sheldon: Cholera is water-borne. You're mocking me.

Amy: Will you listen to me play my harp now?
Sheldon: No. I dislike the sound of the harp. Its overuse in classic television sitcoms always makes me think I'm going to experience an episode from my past.

Sheldon: No. I am here to sit with you and keep you company.
Bernadette: Oh, that's nice.
Sheldon: Yeah, by playing the most complicated board game ever invented: Campaign for North Africa. I bought it off eBay. It smells a little like chili, but all the pieces are there.