Sheldon: Just keep in mind, should you ever need a slightly apathetic, tertiary friend, I stand at the ready.

Sheldon: They also took my battle ostrich.
Leonard: No, not Glen.
Sheldon: Yes, the only bird that I ever loved.

Sheldon: You set it on DTS, didn't you?
Leonard: I had to, she called me cutie.

Sheldon: One-on-one? We don't play one-on-one. We play teams, not one-on-one. One-on-one!

Sheldon: We were annihilated by our own incompetence and the inability of some people to follow the chain of command.
Leonard: Sheldon, let it go.
Sheldon: No, I wanna talk about the fact that Wolowitz shot me in the back.
Howard: I shot you for a good reason. You were leading us into disaster.
Sheldon: I was giving clear, concise orders.
Leonard: You hid behind a tree yelling, "Get the kid in the yarmulke! Get the kid in the yarmulke!"

Leonard: You hacked my Facebook account?
Sheldon: Oh, it's hardly hacking when you use the same password for everything, Kal-El.

Leonard: Refresh my memory. Why didn't I just put you in the trunk?
Sheldon: Because I called shotgun, remember?

Sheldon: I always tell people, if you have only one day in Los Angeles, make it a train day.
Raj: "Train Day?"
Sheldon: The fun starts with brunch at Carney's in Studio City, a hot dog stand in a converted railroad dining car. Next stop, Travel Town, an outdoor museum featuring 43 railroad engines, cars, and other rolling stock from the 1880s to the 1930s. Then finally, we're off to the glitz and glamour of Hollywood, for dinner at, that's right, the Hollywood Carney's, a hot dog stand in a different converted railroad dining car.
Raj: I don't think we're gonna do that.
Sheldon: Well, then apparently, you hate fun.

Sheldon: May I point out to you all that the screening is first come, first served?
Leonard: Relax, it's 5:00. The movie doesn't start till midnight.
Sheldon: Another way of saying that is: the movie starts at midnight and it's already 5:00. Let's go.

Sheldon: 3000 hours! 3000 hours clicking on that mouse, collecting weapons and gold. It's almost as if it was a huge waste of time.

Penny: Wow, Sheldon, I cannot believe you made up your own game.
Sheldon: Oh, Research Lab is more than just a game. It's like the slogan says, the physics is theoretical, but the fun is real.

Leonard: You feel like trying something new for dinner? Maybe Indian, Tex-Mex?
Sheldon: You ever wonder how humans would be different if they evolved from lizards instead of mammals?
Leonard: Okay, let's talk about that.
Sheldon: As you know, lizards, cold-blooded animals, lack the ability to sense temperature. But they do move more sluggishly when it's cold. So, lizard weathermen would say things like, bring a sweater, it's slow outside. I love my mind.
Leonard: We all do. Now, how about dinner?
Sheldon: Oh, I would assume we'd enjoy insects or smaller lizards. We could also pull each other's tails off and grill them, they'll just grow back.

Sheldon: Hear me out. The atomic bomb was the Manhattan project, Windows 95 was Project Chicago, for our app I humbly suggest Project Nodlehs.

Sheldon: Leonard, the transformers teach us that things are not always what they appear to be. You know, like, a semi truck might be an alien robot, or someone in a romantic relationship might feel differently than they appear to.

Sheldon: So I can't wear my Silver Surfer necktie but you can wear a bathrobe?