Sheldon: I knew you'd understand, armadillo Isaac Newton.

Penny: Now you just get comfortable.
Sheldon: No, no. Comfort is the enemy. You know what's comfortable? Slippers, and blankets, and panda bears. Oh, imagine a panda bear with Richard Feynman's face on it!
Warm up the car, Leonard. It's poster time.

Sheldon: I'm not saying you don't have attractive qualities. Your choice of friends is impeccable, you're a good sleeper, and last but not least, you buy the grapes I like. You're a real catch compared to some snoring guy with a fridge full of lousy grapes.

Sheldon: Amy's taking me to a memorial service. It's for one of her colleagues who is of Asian descent, so my planned conversational gambit is to casually remark that no matter how deep they dig his grave, he'll never make his way back to China.
Leonard: That should lighten the mood.
Sheldon: What can I say? I put the fun in the funeral.

Sheldon: I got the results back. Have you developed any of the following symptoms? A growing nose, or perhaps a warm sensation in the trouser region? Also known as full-blown liar, liar, pants on fire.

Sheldon: The whole thing reeks of blueberry. You know I can't stand these scented markers.
Leonard: No one told you to taste them.

Leonard: This is good. Our idea is really good.
Sheldon: Well, the light bulb in this oven is ridiculously bright.

Sheldon: "My good sir. We are neither crackpots, nor wannabes. In fact, we are experts in our fields. And while you hide behind your anonymity, we stand behind our paper. And later tonight, your mother."
Leonard: You don't think that's too rough?
Sheldon: We're just standing behind her. It's not like we're gonna say "Boo!" and scare her.

Sheldon: See, as you know, a few years ago I achieve one of my lesser dreams and became a notary public. Well, from time to time, I notarize banking documents for Raj. The Koothrappalis aren't just rich. They're Richie Rich rich.
Penny: Well, so how much is that?
Sheldon: About halfway between Bruce Wayne and Scrooge McDuck.

Sheldon: Tell him Dr. Cooper feels that the best use of his time is to employ his rare and precious mental faculties to tear the mask off nature and stare at the face of God.
Penny: Sheldon, it's Saturday night. You'll be doing laundry.
Sheldon: Don't tell him that. Tell him the mask thing.

Leonard: What's this?
Sheldon: Just a few things you may need tonight. There's baby oil, condoms, and a little something I procured from the school of pharmacology. They say it is to Viagra as Viagra is to a green M&M.

Raj: Yeah, screw it. I'm going in.
Sheldon: Wait. Hold on. I believe screw it, I'm going in, is what I said to your mother last night.

Sheldon: How will Raj ever reach true greatness if his friends lower the bar for him? When I was eleven, my sister bought our father a "world's greatest dad" coffee mug, and frankly the man coasted until the day he died.

Sheldon: All he had was an idea.
Amy: Well, that is an important part.
Sheldon: Oh, please. I have ideas all day long: Reverse SeaWorld where dolphins are allowed to pet people; a new clothing size between medium and large called "Marge"; Snow White retold from the point of view of Sneezy. Why won't Doc prescribe him something? We finally find out.
Amy: Well, Leonard's idea was good.
Sheldon: Fine, then Grumpy. What's he so grumpy about? Maybe his girlfriend won't take his side.

Sheldon: Leonard, have you ever noticed only my name is on the cable bill?
Leonard: Yeah.
Sheldon: Good, good. And your name is on the electric bill, and mine isn't. And I'm okay with that.
Leonard: Actually, your name is on the electric bill.
Sheldon: Right. This is a disaster.
Leonard: I don't even know what you're talking about and I agree.