Amy: Well, uh, Howard and Bernadette had their baby.
Mary Cooper: (gasps) Oh, that's wonderful! Now, have they decided to raise it Jewish or regular?
Sheldon: Welcome to Texas.

Bernadette: Everyone's a better mom than me.
Raj: Oh, don't take it so personally, maybe your baby's just a jerk.

Mary Cooper: Sheldon, if you're trying to prove me wrong, the tighty-whities on your head ain't changing my mind.

Sheldon: Oh, good Lord! Is that mistletoe? Don't you maniacs own a calendar?

Leonard: See you guys at work.
Raj: Be there bright and early.
Howard: Not me, paternity leave.
Sheldon: Oh! A small human wreaks havoc on his wife's genitals and he gets time off.
Howard: With pay, sucka!

Sheldon: I knew we should've never mentioned us living together in the first place.
Amy: She was gonna find out eventually.
Sheldon: Disagree. We've known about evolution since 1859. She still believes in Noah and his amazing zoo boat.

Mary Cooper: Shelly, how do I put this? By your third birthday, you had memorized over a thousand different kinds of trains, and I never imagined a woman getting aboard any of them.
Sheldon: What, so - You thought I was going to be alone for the rest of my life?
Mary Cooper: No! Just for the middle part. 'Cause at the end I assumed there'd be nurses.

Amy: He's been in there a long time. Should I go talk to him?
Mary Cooper: He's upset with me. I should be the one who talks to him. (stays seated and works on her knitting)
Amy: Are you going to?
Mary Cooper: Oh, heck no.

Sheldon: It was fine, other than the weird-tasting juice Amy gave me. I slept the whole way.

Sheldon: Oh, you know. The Lone Star state. That should be its Yelp rating.

Penny: Do boys have flowers?
Leonard: Who knows what he has down there.

Penny: Oh, it's Bernadette. She says they're running late. "The baby threw up on Howard, and then Howard threw up on Howard."
Leonard: Well, he didn't throw up on the baby. That's a win.

Bernadette: How can she hate me? I make her food in my chest! It's like hating a frozen yogurt machine.

Sheldon: It says here that up to 80% of new mothers experience baby blues. And that the best thing to do is reassure them that they're doing a good job. Bernadette, you are doing a good job.
Bernadette: Thank you, Sheldon, I'm feeling better now.
Sheldon: Thank you, Internet. I'm telling you, with the right YouTube video, I can give Howard a vasectomy.

Sheldon: Well, this is highly insulting.
Amy: Sheldon, don't overreact.
Sheldon: I'm the child she was worried about? I have a brother and sister whose combined intellectual wattage couldn't power a potato clock ... if I spotted them the potato.