Penny: Where does Sheldon think you are?
Amy: Oh, Sheldon's kind of like a dog, he doesn't really think about me when I'm gone, but he's so happy when I show up.

Sheldon: This reminds me of a traditional Amish barn raising. With everyone pitching in.
Howard: How exactly are you pitching in?
Sheldon: I don't hear anyone else giving facts about traditional Amish barn raising.
Leonard: The rest of us are pitching in with hammers and nails.
Sheldon: Well, facts are my nails, and my voice is the hammer which pounds them through the wood of your skull.
Penny: Well, that is how it feels.

Sheldon: All right, I've kept you in suspense long enough. "Dutch" is a bastardization of the word "Deutsch," meaning German.
Penny: What's German for "annoying"?
Sheldon: Nervig. Why do you ask?

President Siebert: So, there are some funds left in the general administrative grant, and I need somebody to decide how we should disburse them.
Leonard: Really? Wow, what an honor. Thank you. So how do I decide who gets the money?
President Siebert: How do you decide anything? Think about it with your brain, and then say it with your mouth.

Leonard: Okay, what would you do?
President Siebert: I'd find some sap and put him in charge so I wouldn't have to be the bad guy.
Leonard: That's a really good id-- Oh.

Amy: Whatcha doin'?
Penny: You scared me.
Amy: I'll ask again. What-cha doin'?
Penny: Nothing.
Amy: Really? You and Bernadette aren't doing stuff without me?
Penny: What? No! Why would you even say that?
Amy: You know how your talent is getting just drunk enough to have a good time without being hungover the next day?
Penny: Thank you.
Amy: Well, mine is knowing when I'm being excluded.

Sheldon: Leonard, you've been losing to me in three-dimensional chess for many years. You know what would be neat? If this was some sort of long con and one day you say, "Let's make this interesting," put money on it, and reveal that you actually know what you're doing. [Leonard makes his move] A very long con indeed. Checkmate.

Raj: Hey, uh, can you pass me that drill?
Sheldon: Yeah, fun fact about Amish barn raising, they don't use any power tools.
Penny: Amy, make him stop.
Amy: No. If he tires himself out now, he'll sleep better tonight.

Barry Kripke: Leonard, I know you and I have a oh, troubled history, but I hope that when I make my request you'll give me a fair shot.
Leonard: Of course.
Barry Kripke: See? That's why I like about this guy: integrity. Bring it in! I just put something in your pocket. It's good at all El Pollo Locos.

Leonard: So, I've narrowed it down to three worthwhile projects, but I only have the money to fund one of them. Lucky for you, I have a solution.
President Siebert: I can't wait.
Leonard: You free up more money and I fund all of them.
President Siebert: Mm, no.
Leonard: Or, hear me out, yes. That way, everybody's happy.
President Siebert: You can't make everybody happy.
Leonard: I think I can.
President Siebert: You can't.
Leonard: Well, actually-
President Siebert: You're making me unhappy.

Raj: Oh, this is amazing. I wish I had a playhouse like this when I was a kid.
Penny: Really? You never had a playhouse?
Raj: No. I mean, my dad did buy the house next door for us to play in.

Howard: I'm gonna hook up the garden hose, so it has running water.
Amy: Why does it need running water?
Howard: Same reason it's got electricity: Bernadette and I both work, and we're overcompensating.

Leonard: President Siebert, you wanted to see me?
President Siebert: Hey. There's my guy!
Leonard: You sound like my wife just before she asked me to go to Coachella.
President Siebert: No, this is gonna be way more fun than Coachella.
Leonard: More fun than heatstroke? Good luck.

Leonard: Uh, so, after I decide, do I then submit it to you for approval, or?
President Siebert: No. You decide, you approve, and then you pride yourself on a job well done.
Leonard: That's a lot of responsibility.
President Siebert: Well, if I didn't think you were up to the task, you wouldn't have been fifth on my list.

Leonard: Well, Siebert put me in charge of handing out the last bit of the administrative funds, and I have sole discretion.
Raj: Ooh! Looks like Christmas came early. First thing on my list is a golden umbrella, 'cause Leonard's gonna make it rain!