Leonard: Another fun sidenote, I went to high school with a girl named Theresa Gluino, but it didn't cost $2 billion to find her. She was smoking behind the gym.

Wyatt: I thought we were past the days when you would try to pull the wool over my eyes. Telling me the baggie in your underwear drawer is potpourri? And the pee stick in your bathroom is to check for diabetes?

Sheldon: Amy. Thank goodness you're home. I don't know if you can tell, but I am literally losing my mind.
Amy: You are?
Sheldon: Isn't it obvious? I just used "literally" figuratively. Like a crazy person.

Raj: But y-you blocked your number, right?
Howard: Relax, this is not my first creepy phone call. It's like riding a bike ... slowly past a girl's house.

Leonard: I am so proud of you.
Penny: Well, I know how to do the dishes. Just, sometimes I'm tired.
Leonard: No, I-I mean, I'm proud of how well you're doing at work. Are you even using soap?
Penny: Do you want to do this?
Leonard: Yeah, I really do.

Sheldon: Okay, well, uh, thank you, Stuart. That's a very generous offer.
Stuart: My pleasure. I-I understand the best man usually receives a present.
Sheldon: That's true.
Stuart: Can never have too much Claritin.

Girl: So you just flew around? That's kind of like my uncle. He's a flight attendant.
Howard: No, I'm an American hero. Your uncle brings people nuts, okay?

Amy: She always this crabby when she urinates?
Bernadette: We're really not that close.

Amy: How come if we're the smart people, we don't do this every night?
Sheldon: What's sixteen times 14?
Amy: My burps taste like cranberry juice.
Sheldon: And there's your answer.

Leonard: Not only did Sheldon save my life, he didn't rat me out to the landlord. Or the police. Or Homeland Security.
Penny: Okay, so, basically, you're the reason I have to walk up and down three flights of stairs every day?

Raj: It's hot in here. It must be Summer.
Summer Glau: That's cute.
Raj: Really? I just made it up. Have you seen Slumdog Millionaire?
Summer Glau: Oh, yeah, I loved it.
Raj: It's loosely based on my life.

Sheldon: In fact, I was briefly able to see the inside of my sister's guinea pig, Snowball, before he caught fire. It led to an interesting expression in our house, not a snowball's chance in a CAT scanner.

Sheldon: Excuse me. Thirty what, under thirty what, to watch what?
Raj: Thirty visionaries under thirty years of age to watch as they challenge the preconceptions of their field.
Sheldon: If I had a million guesses, I never would have gotten that.

Penny: Hey, did he tell you I saved the silk shirt?
Priya: No, he did not.
Penny: He was gonna throw it in the washing machine with his Spider-man underwear. That's our Lenny, huh?
Priya: Yes, that's our Lenny.