Amy: (About Sheldon) Why do I even try?
Bernadette: I'm going to fix this right now.
Howard: Okay, but just make it look like an accident.

Sheldon: In what world is a 4-4-6-4 a 4-10-4?
Howard: A world I don't want to live in. (To Bernadette) Seriously, I no longer I want to live in this world.

Howard: You okay?
Amy: Why? Because my boyfriend's off playing choo choo with some weirdo.
Howard: Well, to be fair, they're both weirdos.

Bernadette: So your boyfriend's a fixer-upper? Most of them are. I mean look at this guy. You think he came like this? When I met him he was a hot, goofy mess. Now, he's been to Space. That's all me!
Howard: I had a little to do with it.
Bernadette: Oh sure you did. Who's momma's big Space Man?
Howard: I am!

Sheldon: I can't believe we wasted all that time on our Hulk costumes.
Penny: You were all going as the Hulk?
Howard: Not the same Hulk. Ferrigno, Bana, Norton and Ruffalo.

Raj: How are you going to get James Earl Jones?
Sheldon: Simple. Earlier today he tweeted that he's looking forward to going to his favorite Sushi restaurant for dinner. I googled an interview from four years ago, which was conducted in his favorite Sushi restaurant and that's where he'll be. And that's where I'm going. And that's -
Howard: And that's where Darth Vader is going to pour soy sauce on your head.

Howard: Mineral and rock show? That would be awful even without Bert.

Raj: So we tell him she's a lesbian?
Howard: Of course we tell him she's a lesbian.

Bert: Thanks for coming to the mineral and rock show with me.
Raj: We're sorry Amy didn't want to go.
Howard: Really, really sorry.

Amy: You make jokes about Sheldon but if it weren't for him, I don't think any of us would be sitting in in this room right now.
Howard: Really? Sheldon not being here is the main reason I'm in this room.

Raj: Sit, you look like you've had a long day.
Howard: Naw, she always looks like that. ... Because she married an idiot.

Raj: Hey, when you got home today and complained about feeling sick from eating too many jelly beans, did I tell you how to fix it? No. I said "Aww, that must hurt." and I rubbed your belly.
Howard: I thought of you (Bernadette), the whole time.

Penny: Howard, cow tipping - real or not?
Howard: I'm going to say not. That's just based on me trying to roll my mom over when she's snoring.

Howard: She should quiet down soon. I gave her enough pain meds to choke a ... well, her.

Howard: My mom's been to Arizona. She rode one of those mules down in the Grand Canyon. Long story short: they had to shoot it.
*Blank look from Bernadette's father*
Howard: ... because she's so fat.
*door rings*
Howard: I'll get the door while you finish laughing.